How to Sound Like You’ve Been Going to Couture Shows All Week

Working in the fashion industry is like attending a very small liberal arts university — especially during fashion week. Pretend the shows are classes, the designers are professors and those who work in PR are the TAs who do a ton of work and take strict attendance.

Mark my word: if you’re not in your seat by the time the bell rings, it’s been noted.

However!

During Couture, such confirmation is impossible because the paradox of a giant lecture hall exists: everyone seems to go, yet no one you know goes, so you can say you went, without anyone — your teacher included — knowing whether or not your ass was actually seated in your chair.

The only difference here is that people want to go to couture.

If, for example, you were to white-lie about attending the Valentino show, you could simply:

Not leave the house for two days (to account for travel), avoid Snapchat, watch the live stream, then tweet about it.

And everyone — your teacher included — would be like, Tiffany Taco: Present!

So…why not pretend you were at Couture? It costs you nothing, hurts no one, and if nothing else, it will make for great conversation this weekend. Surf the slideshow above, absorb a few mental notes, and then memorize the following lines to recite whenever the mood strikes.

1) Did you hear that we’re doing away with buttons? Yes. At Dior, it was all about clutching your coat for dear life. I just honestly wonder how one is supposed to hail a cab and hold her coffee without flashing all of Fifth Ave.

2) Chanel was Chanel, but the hair was Selma Blair.

3) I just loved that Giambattista Valli dress. You know the one! With the ruffles, and the florals, on the model? Just divine.

4) Margiela was so cerebral. And talk about looking good in a burlap sack!

5) I heard that Fendi looks 32 and 33 were inspired by Birdman. Yes dear — The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance. Lagerfeld and Keaton: true birds of a feather.

6) Schiaparelli was so wearable! That seems to be theme of late though, no?

7) Don’t tell anyone, but I got lost walking around the pre-show event at Valentino.

8) Donatella got a haircut and bangs, so I got a haircut and bangs.

9) Fun fact about Ulyana Sergeenko’s clothes: worn by Rihanna and Daenerys Targaryen.

10) Can you believe it? I didn’t take a single photo!

All photos from Style.com

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