Ask a Guy: “I Think He Likes Me Too, But…”

Hi Isaac,

I met this guy, John, a few years back. We hooked up. It happened again this Christmas, only this time we actually held contact. After about a week of chatting, I asked if we should hang out. He said he wasn’t ready to start dating anyone serious because he wasn’t recovered from a recent breakup. 

Still, we continue to chat. When I see him at parties he’s happy to see me, hugs me for longer than normal, and brings up inside jokes. Any time another guy starts to flirt with me he gets really annoyed and ignores me.

I really like him, and I think he likes me too,  but I’m afraid to ask to hang out again because of his last response…

What do you think?

Sincerely,

Dazed and Confused

Hey D&C,

I feel your pain — your mate John is sending you some semi-confusing messages. But if we look at the situation objectively, the clearest message he’s sending you is that he’s not trying to hang out with you one-on-one, whatever his reasoning might be. If he wanted to hang out with you, he’d ask you out. If he wanted to try to be in a relationship with you, he would do whatever it took to make that happen. If he wanted to sleep with you, he’d try to take you home after these parties. But he’s not doing any of those things.

As for the long hugs and the inside jokes and how he gets annoyed when you flirt with other guys, you have to take that stuff with a grain of salt. Sex creates a bond between two people, regardless of whether or not they’re in love. He obviously feels a fondness for you. And he definitely feels a sense of his territory being threatened when other dogs come sniffing around.

But still, he’s not doing any of the things a guy will do when he’s trying to be in a relationship with a girl.

To be honest, he doesn’t sound like a bad dude. He’s not pushing you for casual, no-strings-attached sex, and he’s been pretty up-front with his intentions from the start. You need to do him the same courtesy. If it’s driving you crazy every time you see him, then for your own peace of mind, you’ve either gotta tell him you have romantic feelings for him, or you need to stop hanging out with him until you feel better about the situation. Honesty is the best policy, no matter what. Don’t keep sitting around hoping for things to change, because you’ll just end up cutting yourself off from other potentially amazing romantic opportunities.

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