It's all their fault.
The reason why guys get fat after they get married is because their wives find things to occupy their time with.
When you’re single, there’s only so much porn you can watch or Xbox you can play before you get bored, and it’s not like you have to clean the house or anything, because….pshaw! Eventually, you get bored enough that you figure you might as well go to the gym. At least there’ll be other people there, maybe even other female people.
But once you’re married you can kiss that free time goodbye. Oh, sure, sometimes your wife will fill that time with awesome things, like sex, and accompanying you to movies to see Rambo 26, or to that monster truck rally, or to watch wrastlin’. Odds are, though, that most of your time will be spent…like…mowing the lawn, or weeding the garden, or antiquing. *shudder*
Or she’ll expect you to go with her to visit her parents. Let’s face it; you don’t visit your own parents, what makes her think you want to see hers? At worst they hate you, because you stole their little girl, and they’re pretty sure you’re sleeping with their angel. At best they like you enough that they have a whole mess of chores waiting for you to do at their place when you arrive.
And a wife will usually insist on feeding you, and at regular intervals even. Most women have to eat something like twelve times a day or they get faint, or sick or whatever. A guy can go for a day easy without eating, and if he does, his stomach rumbles. That’s it. End of story. But, when a guy eats, he eats a man-sized portion at EVERY SINGLE MEAL. Trying to keep up with your wife at that pace is obesity waiting to happen, but we’ll give it a shot, because we’re like dogs and will eat until we explode.
Add that to the no-time-at-the gym previously mentioned, and presto, instant fatty.
When you’re single, there’s only so much porn you can watch or Xbox you can play before you get bored, and it’s not like you have to clean the house or anything, because….pshaw! Eventually, you get bored enough that you figure you might as well go to the gym. At least there’ll be other people there, maybe even other female people.
But once you’re married you can kiss that free time goodbye. Oh, sure, sometimes your wife will fill that time with awesome things, like sex, and accompanying you to movies to see Rambo 26, or to that monster truck rally, or to watch wrastlin’. Odds are, though, that most of your time will be spent…like…mowing the lawn, or weeding the garden, or antiquing. *shudder*
Or she’ll expect you to go with her to visit her parents. Let’s face it; you don’t visit your own parents, what makes her think you want to see hers? At worst they hate you, because you stole their little girl, and they’re pretty sure you’re sleeping with their angel. At best they like you enough that they have a whole mess of chores waiting for you to do at their place when you arrive.
And a wife will usually insist on feeding you, and at regular intervals even. Most women have to eat something like twelve times a day or they get faint, or sick or whatever. A guy can go for a day easy without eating, and if he does, his stomach rumbles. That’s it. End of story. But, when a guy eats, he eats a man-sized portion at EVERY SINGLE MEAL. Trying to keep up with your wife at that pace is obesity waiting to happen, but we’ll give it a shot, because we’re like dogs and will eat until we explode.
Add that to the no-time-at-the gym previously mentioned, and presto, instant fatty.
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