I don't go on social media much these days but when I do, Pope Francis is sure to be there in some capacity telling everybody they suck.

Jesus, the guy thinks he’s the Dalai Llama all of a sudden.

Rockstar clergymen: Eh.

I take everything they say with a huge grain of salt. There’s no denying it, though, Pope Frankie has infested the bumper stickers that masquerade as social media posts these days.

“Pope Francis says manspreaders will smoke a turd in purgatory.”

*a million hipster princesses click share*

He’s gotta have a Tumblr page. Tell me he’s got a Tumblr page!

*the author prays fervently for the existence of such a page, even though he would only do a follow for follow*

Pope Francis pontificates profusely from the pulpit in his palace and people eat it up like popcorn, the pussies.

This is a weird world.

At the end of the day, when the pope gets off his throne, puts down his massive gold cross, and readies himself for bed with a little Daily Show and Orange Is The New Black, I bet dreadlocks fall out from under his goofy pope hat.

Is that patchouli I smell?