The Inaugural Post

It's 9:35 in the morning on 06/19/15.

I leave this building at 3:00 p.m.

I have literally nothing to do.

Five hours and twenty-five minutes will pass between now and then.

None of those hours will be used to work.

I will visit Buzzfeed no less than 10 times even though new things will not hit the site quickly enough to entertain me.

A sliced apple in a baggie sits to my left.

Right about now you're wondering why you're still reading this.

It won't get better.

Might as well stop reading now.

You're going to keep going, eh?

Some people call that masochism.

Katy Perry's on replay. She's on replay.

I'm not listening to Katy Perry.

That's from a One Direction song.

I wonder who would win in a no holds barred death match between One Direction and Backstreet Boys. Sans Kevin, of course, since Zayn left the band.

Did Peter Piper really pick a peck of pickled peppers?

Is he the one who pickled the peppers, or did he steal these pepper from whoever pickled them?

I think a unicorn apocalypse is 100 times more likely than any other kind of apocalypse.

No one thinks unicorns exist, but they're out there.

Waiting.

Watching.

I wish I was a hekatonkheires so I could eat an type at the same time.

Reference Greek mythology to understand that last one.

Was there a Greek god for regular bowel movements or good hair days?

If I could trade lives with anyone on the planet, I think I would choose P. Diddy just so I could see what it was like to be a true playa.

I would, of course, have to put my hands in the air.

Reference 90's hip hop to get that last one.

Coming up with an appropriate subject line for an email is the most stressful part of emailing another human being.

I'm sick of typing.

I need a computer that reads my thoughts and types for me.

Ugh...

I'm done with this one for now.

You're welcome.