What Would the Characters of ‘Orange is the New Black’ Wear?

Over the past two seasons of Orange is the New Black, we’ve seen glimpses of the Litchfield Penitentiary inmates’ pasts and thus have become more privy to their style beyond the beige. With Season 3 on the imminent Netflix Horizon, why not play the What If Wardrobe Game. What if our favorite characters were finally released from the slammer? How would they dress? Who would they be? Let the day dreaming begin…

*Cue fantasy-montage music*

Piper Chapman

Pipes went through her drug mule phase and all, but she’s a WASP, through and through. Her first move post-prison will be to visit a farmers market in a button down shirt, A-line skirt and J.Crew flats. Maybe she’ll need a raffia tote. And though she’ll re-watch this video just to make sure she’s doing it right, homegirl’s got the Jenna Lyons sleeve-roll down pat. What she could use, however, is some advice from Mickey Drexler.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Taystee Jefferson

 

Did you ever notice that in Fergie’s prime tune “Fergalicious,” she spells “tasty” wrong? She sings: “T to the A, to the S – T – E – Y,” throwing an “E” in there like it’s orzo in chicken soup. Taystee Jefferson takes it a step further by adding another “E” then shaking up the order. Her style is more Rihanna than Fergie, though. Think Alexander Wang jerseys, leather leggings, high-tops and heels that could put an eye out.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Alex Vause

When Alex gets out of Litchfield, she’s going to rediscover her love of fashion and immediately stock up on Balmain x H&M. You’ll catch her donning shoe-pants, pantsuits and cutout dresses. She’ll trade in her regular black spectacles for sexy Chanel readers. She may even cut her hair into a sleek lob that makes her look like an action movie heroine, but she’ll secretly wear a Jennifer Meyer necklace that says “mom.”

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Lorna Morello

Lorna’s first stop when she gets out of the slammer will be the Forever 21 sale section. She’ll swipe on some fresh Revlon Red and pretend she’s in a movie montage as she tries on rompers that are far too young for her. She’ll leave with a few pleather mini skirts and strapless dresses that’ll make her feel like Betty Boop. Lorna’s next stop? A lingerie shop. The second she has Internet access, this vixen is signing up for Tinder.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Nicky Nichols

Nicky is all about that effortless cool style — but think more Ralph Lauren-meets-West than Serge Gainsbourg-meets-Cannes. Her go-to look is the Canadian tuxedo. Her style icon is Jay Leno, and she owns a gratuitous amount of chambray tops and dungarees from Frame Denim. If prison taught her anything it’s that, well, drugs are bad, and she likes to have a uniform. She’s also a fan of Chuck Taylors and the occasional pair of Air Jordans when she’s feeling like Sporty Spice.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Red Reznikov

The second Red gets out she’s heading straight for Chico’s. Her closet is filled with kimonos, chevron maxi skirts and coral ponchos. She’s also getting really into scarves, because if there’s one thing you can’t do behind bars, it’s accessorize.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Sophia Burset

Following her release, Sophia will promptly log on to Net-a-Porter. She’s a sucker for Oscar de la Renta, Stella McCartney and anything Tabitha Simmons. She is fan of crêpe de chine silk, curve hugging silhouettes and fitted, asymmetrical skirts. She will also get really into high-rise flared jeans and wear them with off-the-shoulder tops on weekends with her son, Michael.

[image error]
Turn on your JavaScript to view content

Don’t see one of your favorite characters? Add her below and tell us what she’d wear.

Illustrations by Autumn Kimball.

Enough of the fiction, let’s talk real wardrobes with Sophie Auster, Jane Bishop, and our entire NY Closets treasure trove. Now, back to the show. Can’t stop watching Netflix? Same. Hallelujah we no longer have to wait on long lines for the newest and greatest blockbusters! (Wait, back to the fiction, remember that time we styled Jared Leto and Leonardo DiCaprio? We “dressed” a few other iconic women, too.)