ICYMI: Give Your Future a Helping Hand

Like the first day of summer camp, this week started off with such promise. The sun was out, umbrellas were not, and Caitlyn Jenner’s Vanity Fair cover was unveiled. With June 1 came the CFDAs, a major triumph for contemporary evening wear wizard Rosie Assoulin, and the herald of summer love via Susan Miller.

Jean Stories’ Jane Bishop taught us how to wear denim five ways, Gabrielle Pedriani assured us that there is nothing wrong with being basic, and Mickey Drexler imparted his wisdom on budding business owners. We thought to ourselves, Self, we’re going to be just fine. We may even hit the gym.

Who cares that my Apple Watch berates me at every turn? That my fridge will never look as good as Sami Miro’s? Or that half my face was cropped out of every photo my friends and I took over Memorial Weekend? Not I. Do you know why? Because there is an Instagram dedicated to hot guys reading on subways, and Kim & Kanye are having another baby.

I have five items in my shopping cart, and I am alive. I’m going to dance in the streets with nothing on my body but strategically placed flash tatz while listening to Flo Morrissey. I will Dubsmash the shit out of The Lion King and I will pre-order Gucci’s entire Resort collection.

JK. But I’ll keep fakin’ it till I make it.