When Should You Give Feedback?

[image error]We have all been in that situation, the one where you know a colleague left a “ bad taste” in a clients mouth, or you “ heard” about a presentation that went wrong. When we get feedback about a colleague it can be hard to determine when and if we should share it. Feedback (not Wheaties) is the breakfast of champions - it is the one thing guaranteed to help people grow and develop when given well.

Here are some questions to ask yourself as you consider when to provide feedback and how. They will allow you to invest in others and protect your reputation in the process.

Is it designed to move the person forward? Feedback is a gift to the receiver when there is no hidden agenda and you are invested in the person getting better. Period. If this is not the case, your feedback may fall on deaf ears and you may be perceived as inauthentic. To help the person move forward you have to be specific in the feedback. If you don’t know or have the details, this can be challenging. Make sure you get the facts and are clear about what needs to be different in the future BEFORE you give the feedback.

Will they hear you? Do you have credibility with the person, and is your relationship one where the person will actually listen to your feedback? If no is your answer, then you may not be heard.  You have to have equity (or in Steven Covey terms a positive bank balance) with the person to ensure they will hear you. You also need to make sure you are sharing the feedback in a safe space (preferably in private) and that you have plenty of time for the person to ask questions and process what you are sharing.

What are the ramifications if they don't hear you? In the event that you give feedback and it is not heard, what is at risk for you and for the person you are providing the feedback to? Be prepared to share what is at risk for the person receiving the feedback. If you are putting your career at risk by providing feedback to someone with influence or authority over you, be very careful about the timing of the feedback and how you position it so that your personal reputation is not damaged. 

How would you want to receive the feedback? I have clients who have given feedback about everything from body odor to poor professional performance and the old adage rings true, "It is not what you say but how you say it." Saying the tough stuff with grace and compassion can be critical to others receiving your gift and making positive change. Consider your message and package it in a way it can be easily received. If you know you are giving a message that may be hard to hear - say so, it will often make the listener more open to hearing what you have to say.

What is the opportunity for you? This may sound like a funny question, but I believe it is the most important. What can you learn about yourself based on what you are noticing about the other person. More often than not the negative things we dislike about another reside somewhere within us. Be willing to reflect on the message they may exist for you in what is making you uncomfortable. What is your colleague, friend, or bosses behavior triggering for you?  Where is your opportunity to grow and transform who you are being in the world?

As you consider providing feedback to those who you do not manage or supervise, I would invite you to ask yourself these questions and let the answers guide the way in which you give feedback to others.

-Cornelia Shipley, Career Coach
www.corneliashipley.com