Enjoying this DAY.

Today is my birthday. 

I have been thinking a lot about what I want my 33rd year to look like. I have also been thinking a lot about what I want today to look like. I've had lots of ideas, but made no set plans.

A few days ago I went to Grounds for Sculpture. The weather was absolute perfection. I spent a lot of time walking the manicured grounds, listening to leaves rustling in the breeze and feeling the wind and sun on my face. There is a not-so-secret little garden that I knew contained a hammock. There in the shrubbery and bamboo was a single door. I entered and was surprised to find that the door locked from the inside. I turned the lock, walked the footpath over to the hammock and laid down, hidden from the world behind living walls. I watched the clouds. I thought about the year ahead and my goals. It was frustrating because all I could think about was that moment and how much I enjoyed just laying there.

I didn't know the point of this post until I wrote that last sentence. The past few days I have felt unsettled and it was because today was approaching and I didn't have concrete plans in place and set goals laid down. Maybe I'm just meant to enjoy today...

Laying on a hill at Grounds for Sculpture
I want to be outside. I know this much. I set up my hammock in my backyard. The sun is out and the weather is perfect. I feel no need to recap my 32nd year. I am more aware of my life and the good and bad in it than ever. I feel no need to plan out what I want the year ahead to look like because I have my 2015 goals in place and after 32 years, I know it doesn't really matter anyway. Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans. I love that expression. Maybe after all this time, I am finally learning how to live a more flexible life? I don't know...

I do know that if today were to be my last day on earth, I could die with this having been my view:

A birthday view from my hammock
Today, and every future day, is what we make of it.  After a rough start, I have the power to turn it around. Byron Katie says that we have the power to be happy under any circumstances. It is so hard, but she is so right. I have cried twice so far today because I have relied on others for birthday joy and allowed them to disappoint me. Maybe it is time I gave myself a birthday gift. Maybe I need to go look at myself in the mirror, wish myself a great big "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" and go feel the sun and wind on my face.
I think I'll do that. After all, today is my day and I have the power to make it a good one.