Bra Snapping and Violence

When I was in middle school some boys liked to snapped girls’ bras. I

In those pre-adolescent years, bra straps were new, clear lines, literally, on our shoulders and backs broadcasting that something unseen, something sensual, something sexual was growing within us.  And the boys thought grabbing and snapping those straps was a lot of fun.

Bra snapping reminds me of an initiation rite. The snap stung, but it also proved recognition that a boy was noticing something different about you. Could I call it a faint whiff of flattery? If so, the stronger scent of dominance, objectification, male strength over a girl’s unprotected back lingered longer.

Once, among my friends, the bra strapping went further to itching powder. The boys were pouring it down girl’s backs as we sat unsuspectingly in front of them. I was one of their victims. And the dominance felt stronger than any flattery. My red, raw back compounded the insult.

It might seem foolish to blame a girl instead of blaming the boy who snaps the bra, but in a recent story, the girl stands up for herself, punches the boy and lands in the principle’s office.  We might side with the administrator and her teacher and move to fault her. Excessive violence. Disproportionate response.

But is it?

American society has bought into the notion that violence is always evil.  I hear more and more people suggest that war, capital punishment, the 2nd amendment right to defend ourselves, police force are mostly wrong, usually evil, often carnal or just selfish. It’s more than a movement of non-violence, it seems to me to be a belief that peace means no blood was shed. But peace, in Scripture, means much more than outlawing violence. Peace means putting things to right, at least the Biblical peace, the shalom people love to talk about.

Now, being raised Quaker, there is a persuasive and biblical power to passive resistance and even to pacifism.  But, as Christians, there must always be the resistance part. Our Scriptures require us to resist all the work that the Evil One is doing, including violence to ourselves (if you think the turn the other cheek passage disagrees, check this out “Jesus’ Third Way“). And we even have Biblical passages where God seems to bless violence as the only solution to a system or person of evil. The same Jesus who said “All who take up the sword shall perish by the sword” (Matt 26:52) also said “Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. ” In other words, sometimes violence is the appropriate response to evil, sometimes it is not.

As you will see in the story below, the administrator focused on the girl’s responsive of violence rather than on the boy’s initial violence. Who is to blame here? Who is the victim? Something to think about further, “Can you be violent and also just?” I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments

The short story hails from Stuff Happens. Read it to get an idea of the pervasive problem of assuming children don’t need sexual privacy and protection and what this clever mother did in response.

A Boy at School Snapped Her Bra. What She Did Next is Gold.

The enduring question for me is “How many times should she have let him touch her?”

I want to thank S, a Freedom Builder, for sharing this example of powerful parenting, advocacy for victims, and serious concern for the subtle forms of violence that take place every day at school, the work place, the church, and our homes.

One final thought for you. S’s pre-teen daughter asked this poignant question after reading the story.

“How many times is too many times for the boy to snap her bra?” What a question to ask ourselves, to ask our teens. What would you say to your daughter or son?

S, a woman of practical wisdom, replied,

“ONE TIME is way, way too many. Tell him to stop, stand up, tell the teacher, and refuse to sit back down if the boy isn’t sent straight to the principal’s office.”

Would you take a moment to share this story with your teens or preteens. Perhaps it will help you begin a conversation with your daughters . . . and sons.