Mindful Listening
Understanding the difference between hearing and listening was a huge milestone for me personally. I’ve come to understand that while hearing is merely the perception of sound, listening means paying careful attention to both the sound and the source. We have to tune in to the feelings behind the words. As I praticed doing that with my children, my husband, my parents, and my coworkers, I realized how much sharper I was becoming as a mom, a wife, a daughter, and a leader. In fact, listening built not just my children’s self-confidence but also my own.
Striving to listen also enhances self-control, and self-control teaches us patience. Being a good listener has definitely made me more patient. And patience has a way of putting us back in the driver’s seat – not in control, because we really don’t want to “control” our kids, but definitely in the lead, when and as needed.
When your child tells you a story about something that happened in school or with a friend, start tuning in with your senses, one by one. First, make eye contact. Then focus on your ears, and start listening word for word. If you notice your mind drifting, slowly inhale and watch how that helps you tune in again. Taking a slow breath helps you tune back in; you will feel your mind opening and expanding, too – a huge help for parents during a kid crisis. This mindful listening helps us be honorable, approachable, and sensible all at once! If you feel the urge to say something, use neutral sounds and nondirectional words like Hmmm, Uh-huh, or Really – whatever comes to you naturally. Give you opinion or comments only if it is truly necessary, especially as children get older and are more able to work things out for themselves.
Remember, our ears are not just organs of hearing but also of balance and equilibrium. Mindfully listening to our kids helps us balance their feelings and their thoughts. Mind you, listening does not always have to mean agreeing. It simply means giving them an opportunity to say what’s on their mind, without interrupting.
And if we want our children to listen to us, we must listen to them.
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