Just got told by the city that they’re putting in a new sewer...

Just got told by the city that they’re putting in a new sewer system on my street.

They’re going to have to tear out all my hedges. They’ll keep them alive for me, but I’d have to replant them.

Do I look that ambitious? It’s 1:30 in the afternoon. I’ve been up since 10. When I’m done writing this, I’m going to go take a nap, the first of two.

I might plant my ass on a couch, but I ain’t planting no hedges.

Or, the city says, they will give me a new tree and throw the hedges away. They will plant the new tree for me as well. They had a tree pamphlet with like a dozen varieties for me to choose from. I already have an apple tree on the other side of my yard, so I decided to get another, but the guy told me it was a fruitless apple tree.

What? A fruitless apple tree? Is that some kind of a joke? That’s like a sexless marriage. Tasteless beer. A loveless dog.

“Oh,” the guy says, “they’re really nice. They flower just like an apple tree, but you don’t have to clean up any fruit.”

We were standing in my yard when he said this, about ten feet away from my fruitful apple tree, which has hundreds of rotting apples under it.

LOL.

So I selected the above, a Japanese Lilac (stock photo). I am something of a Japan-o-phile, plus love me some lilacs. Seemed to make sense.

So, for half the summer, half my yard will be a trench. Gee, I hope I don’t get drunk and fall in.