How to Get What You Want, Every Time

I'm giving a talk at the University of Hawaii in April and I'm very excited about it. As part of this talk, which is about how you can get anything in life if you know how to communicate it well enough, I'm talking about the thing women do not enjoy doing very much: Asking for things!

Tell me, do you enjoy asking for something from your boss, spouse, or colleague, even if they owe you, even if they are indebted to you for previous favors? 

I'll guess the answer is no, you're probably not terribly comfortable asking for what you want. And I hear you, because I used to struggle with this often especially when I was at corporate. 

I used to believe that asking in general sent a message that I am needy, weak, and even demanding, and none of those are traits any powerful woman wants to be associated with. 

As a driven corporate gal, I wanted to present a strong, independent and confident front, and asking for anything seemed to—falsely mind you—contradict with that picture. 

But here's the conflict: I really wanted the stuff that I needed to ask for. I really wanted that overdue promotion that wasn't coming on its own. I really needed that raise for which I had been forgotten. I realized that nobody could read my mind if I kept silent. 

The problem is, I never learned how to ask for something the right way. It took me years to figure out this formula. Let's say you want X, where X is a shiny new promotion with a raise.

Your approach to asking for X should be:

Set up a private meeting with the person who has authority to give you X.
Speak about the benefits of X for them first and foremost, then for you.
Then explain the negative impact of not having X for both of you. 
Propose that based on what you shared, X would be a great idea for both of you.
Mutually agree on you getting X. 

This is a formula I have used and taught my clients to use when asking for something. It may take some practice to come off naturally, but this approach removes any negative feelings about asking because it shows you are focused on how it positively affects others besides yourself.

Share your thoughts about this method in the comments below.

-Farnoosh Brock, Business and Career Coach, Prolific Living Inc.