Lessons We Learned from ‘Empire Records’

Amid the fashion industry’s uproarious dedication to 1970-something, it seems that the hype of the ’90s redux has quieted and settled into the cracks. The decade of high, square necks and wide, baggy jeans, minimalism, grunge, The Supermodel and Kate Moss is in no way forgotten; rather, the critical microscope has been momentarily lifted along with the fanfare and pressing trends. The 90s is free to claim as yours again.

And what better time than the present? Specifically, today: April 8, 2015. Susan Miller predicted it may inspire creativity and excitement from within, and though her hypothesis is based off the stars, surely she must also know that it’s Rex Manning Day.

For every baby of the 80s who was raised in the 90s, Rex Manning Day marks a moment of reflection — not to honor some washed-up man who Fran Lebowitz would likely call, “audibly tan,” but on behalf of Empire Records, a movie that shaped who we’ve become today.

If that’s a little hyperbolic, then at the very least we can agree it inspired our violent and unrelenting search for a cropped, baby blue mohair knit at least once in our lives. And whether you realize it or not, Empire Records taught us some important lessons:

1. The smarter you get, the shorter your skirt gets. This is why the flannel shirt was invented: to cover exposed butts should you bend down to pick up glued-to-the-floor pennies.

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2. If your boss hasn’t fired anyone yet today, why would she start with you?

3. If your short skirt still feels too precious, or you need to stand up to your bullies Gina and Debra, add combat boots.

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4. We probably all belong in a loony bin, every one of us…but that’s been established already, right?

5. However, there’s a remedy for sartorial overload-induced craziness: mom jeans and knit tops.

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6. Besides, like Mark said, “We mustn’t dwell.”

7. Never feel the need to explain your art to anyone. Especially if your art is dressing like Ethan Embry.

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8. It’s absolutely possible for a person to be in love with someone else and not even know it. Per the young sage Lucas, “In this life there are nothing but possibilities.”

You can, however, ask our Ask-a-Guy-Isaac about it.

And as for the perfect, cropped, baby blue mohair sweater?

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I’m close, but still looking.

Damn the man.