On fear and faith

I’d like to commend to your attention this essay by my friend Aaron Householder.

Read it first for Aaron’s perspective, which I always find valuable. Then come back and I’ll add my own rambling thoughts to the mix.

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Aaron and I grew up in the same town. Went to the same high school. As I recall, we were friendly but not necessarily friends; one of the drawbacks of attending a big-box high school is that you can’t really develop deep friendships with everybody you want to know. But as has happened with so many people I knew back then, social media has reconnected us, and in our adult years we’ve found a way of talking to each other that we didn’t have before.

In our case, we often approach each other from the poles. Aaron, a pastor, comes at things from a spiritual perspective. My viewpoint is secular. We’re often at odds on the political hot buttons of the day. But I always listen to what Aaron has to say, because he’s a thoughtful man whose ideas often help me shape or stress-test my own. Would that more people of differing viewpoints were willing to listen to each other, and to deeply consider what’s being said.

Which brings me to the line in Aaron’s essay that knocked me to the floor: “Fear is the opposite of faith.”

I’ve heard it before, probably from Aaron. But for whatever reason, it didn’t take hold of me until I read this piece. I recognized it this time because I’ve been living it.

It’s a hell of a thing, to realize how many of my decisions, how many of my losses I can ascribe to acting in fear. Fear of loving, fear of being loved, fear of hearing something I don’t want to hear, fear of being vulnerable, fear of being cast aside. It’s bad enough to inflict fear on myself; in recent months, it’s been compounded by a vicious cycle of my fear mingling with the fears of other people, to sometimes disastrous results.

Aaron’s essay talks, too, about the power of surrender. That’s always been difficult for me, but I’m learning. Of late, I’ve had some valuable lessons in letting go of outcomes and trusting the process. True to our natures, Aaron and I will cloak these things in different nomenclatures. He’ll talk of giving it to God, and I’ll talk of letting the universe hold sway, but in the end, I’d submit that we’re pointing to the same thing: faith. Only the connotations (godly vs. worldly) are different.

Some months ago, someone very important to me said, “Craig, if you are honest and forthright and of the right intention, you cannot lose by opening your heart.” I nodded politely and, internally, disagreed vehemently. I could tell you a million ways I can lose, I thought. In recent weeks, I’ve had a chance to put that contention to the test (more on this in a future ramble, or not at all), and damned if my friend wasn’t right. It occurs to me now that the message was the same as Aaron’s, dressed up in different words.

Be not afraid.

I’m trying, man. I’m trying.