Let’s Do the Date Thing

Congratulations, you dance card diva. You’ve scored a date tonight. Although, come on, look at you — we should be shaking your date’s hand for landing such a catch, right? Or scribbling on a notepad and holding a microphone under his nose while wondering how on earth he managed to land such a radiant, stone cold babe.

What’s that? You think I’m buttering you up and it’s making you nervous?

Fine, you caught me. I am buttering you up — a bit! – because when I told Leandra I wanted to do a “what to wear on a date” story, she not only jumped in my lap to be my model but she nominated herself as stylist.

Let’s consider a few things for a moment:

1) Does Leandra dress ok? Sure.

2) Does Leandra go on dates with new suitors anymore? She’s married, so no.

3) Is Leandra insane? Irrefutably, yes.

So you can see that items 2 and 3 loaned themselves to my mild reservation, hence my butter, hence you being my delightful, toasty bread.

The first outfit is in no way scary, though. Wear this and your date will understand it. He’ll get it. He’ll probably love it! (That’s not the point, I know, the point is that you love it.) But you’ll get it too. You’ll love it. And it’s the type of thing you can wear to a casual office without having frickin’ Deborah being all up in your business like, “OOooooooOoo, why so dressed up?” Yea, I know I normally look hungover on Friday mornings, Deborah. Thursday’s a big night for the ping pong community.

Are you even still reading this?

Great. For outfit one, behold:

I told you you could do this. Our main ingredients are the denim jacket:

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And the flares:

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Plus a white shirt, shoes of your picking (heels if you need the height or flats if you’re freaky — doesn’t really matter here because the pants are covering your hooves) and a clutch because a girl needs a proper receptacle in case she needs to take her man bun to go, if you know what I mean.

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I don’t either!

Outfit number two gets a little more whackadoo. It’s sort of…one of those outfits where you have a lot of time to get ready, you know what I mean? Maybe you got out of work early so you stopped at the wine store. Then you got home, put on One Direction’s Greatest Hits because RIP Zayne (he’s not dead but after that news, aren’t we all?), drank some wine, declared yourself foiiine, and were like, Uh, yea. A giant jacquard skirt — plus a vest — is definitely the way to go on this path to love.

What a fricken’ zoodle. If this outfit doesn’t make for a future It’s Kind of a Funny Story, then I don’t know what does.

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And for dramatic effect, show up in a trench (the element of surprise) then EXPOSE yourself.

It works every time.

(Still standing in front of your mirror naked? Here’s what to wear the rest of this weekend, Tarzan.)