What kind of geek am I? The kind that has to defend herself too often.

That's me, right now, in my Leia shirt. And I am vexed, geeky friends.

*puts on rantypants, complete with Corellian bloodstripes*

I have ranted on the problem of being a geek girl before, but I shall now rant about the ongoing issue that combines geek gatekeeping and the joys of sexism. Because the first tweet in my timeline today was someone asking me what kind of geek I am.

Never mind that this information is readily available on my website, which is conveniently linked from my Twitter account and doesn't even involve Google. Never mind that scrolling through a few of my tweets or photos will inform you. Never mind that geekery is about sharing love of stuff instead of challenging people who have, most likely, suffered for that love.

Can you imagine some Twitter rando asking John Scalzi what kind of geek he is?

No. No, you cannot.

Because this wasn't someone who was genuinely curious. Not someone who wanted to geek out with me.

And that's why I came up with this:

Because, out of curiosity, I told this person a few of my geekdoms. And this person then told me they didn't like two of my fandoms and then offered to fuck me.

Let's step back a moment here. Let's break this down.

Dude: I am a geek. You will now tell me why you are a geek, and I will judge you.

Girl: I am a geek because I like these geeky things.

Dude: The things you like suck. How about we have sex?

And, yeah, I get that there are clueless and clumsy people out there, but what the actual hell?

Here's the thing: Geekdom is not an easy place for a woman. We have to constantly prove ourselves. Every day that I step out in a geeky shirt, which is almost every day, someone points at my chest and says, "Do you even know who/what that is?" With the implication that I'm just doing it for attention from geek guys, I guess?

I was wearing this Leia shirt the day my MacBook died, and I went to Best Buy for a replacement, and the sales guy said, "Star Wars *and* Apple, huh?" and snorted and shook his head sadly as if to imply I was wearing a shirt and throwing money at a pricey, geekpopular laptop just to show off for him, and he wasn't falling for it. And I wanted to scream, YES, YOU ASSHOLE, BECAUSE I LOVE STAR WARS AND I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF EDITING A FANTASY FOR ORBIT BOOKS. I AM REAL. I AM NOT A SEX ROBOT IN A GEEK COSTUME. 

To take it a step further, here are the different ways it could play out:

1. I get yelled at for not being nice.

Guy: So what kind of geek are you?

Me: The kind who's sick of answering this question.

Guy: FUCK YOU, YOU BITCH. I BET YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE ARCHER.

2.  I get yelled at for not being insecure.

Guy: So what kind of geek are you?

Me: The awesome kind who loves tons of geeky stuff.

Guy: Wow. Stuck up much, bitch?

3. I get skewered for not knowing obscure facts.

Guy: So what kind of geek are you?

Me: *lists ALL THE FANDOMS*

Guy: OK YOU SAY YOU LIKE BATTLESTAR? FINE. SO WHAT WAS STARBUCK WEARING IN EPISODE FOUR WHEN SHE WALKED BY APOLLO IN THE CAF? IF YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU'RE A FAKE GEEK. GO DIE IN A HOLE.

In short, there is no way to win. Even if you block someone, they just assume they won because they forced you to take an action and/or you're avoiding them.

Can you imagine me stuck in an elevator at Phoenix Comicon with Nathan Fillion, and I say, "You say you're a geek, but outside of Firefly, do you watch ANY SCIFI?"

Nope.

But if I wear my "GEEK" shirt to Dragoncon, this happens every time I'm stuck in any elevator with anyone. While I'm wearing a Guest badge. At Dragoncon.

My point here is that everyone gets to label themselves in any way they choose, and how someone else labels themselves is utterly none of your business. If you legit want to geek out with someone, ASK THEM WHAT THEY LIKE in a way that doesn't imply testing and judgment. If they're a public figure, Google them or check their website, or just scroll through their feed to see if you share interests. Seriously, at least once a day, I quote Star Wars, Community, Empire Records, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I'm not hiding it. 

If you want to engage with someone, do them the bare minimum of courtesy in assuming that their job is not to stop their day and list shit for you. Girls, guys, public figures, strangers. Everyone has the right to like what they like without you being a dick about it.

And, this goes without saying: Remember that every conversation is not foreplay.

Challenging someone doesn't help you connect with them. It puts them on the defensive and changes the power differential from TWO GEEKS GEEKING OUT to LORD GEEK AND THE GROVELING SERF. And that is never, ever the start of a beautiful friendship, much less the hot monkey sex you so crave.

Geeks are smart. If you want to chat one up, much less bed them, don't be a dick.

If you want to talk to a geek girl, treat her like a human being and an equal.

Even if we're dressed as Slave Leia, remember that we have the highest hit ratio in the trilogy.

/endrant