Cornish Idiot’s Guide to the Budget

Wozzon with this Budget malarkey? Madderdoit? Here’s the budget made simple.



1) Economic growth

Imagine pasties was money. The more you eat the more you grow. Good for us, inna? Simple.

2) Sustainable growth

Go on eating pasties fer ever. No side effects. ‘Ansum.

3) Inflation

Result of eating too many of they pasties. Leads to quantitative pasty easing. Some scat up!

4) Productivity

Eat your pasties faster, not dreckly. Tizzardleeon, yeow.

Enjoying a bacon sandwich moment, dear of’im

5) Budget deficit

If we eat more pasties than we can afford we’ll be broke. Like Greece. ‘Ave to exist on hummus instead of fitty traade. Bleddy ‘ellup.

6) Cyclical budget deficit

The problem of eating pasties while on yer bike, ‘Specially if you’m pushing on in order to increase your productivity (see above).

7) Substitute goods

Swap boughten pasties fer ‘omemade. Beaudy.

8) Chancellor of the Hexchequer

Some cakey tosser grizzling all over his smarmy chacks. Probably get us all mazed, seemee.



9) Go’ment debt

A very bad thing. Will eventually produce a pasty shortage. Has to be prevented by things like pasty taxes and hosterity. And making sure the undeserving poor, ‘especially in Camburn, don’t get any more saffern buns.