I Miss Being Resilient

I’m sorry for the times when I bare my soul to you

And leave it there, exposed

And you don���t know what to do with it

And now you feel responsible

And I can understand you get scared

Because you don���t want to break it.

Perhaps your fear blinds you to the cracks it already has

Or makes them even more apparent,

So you are afraid of making them deeper.

And I���m sorry if this makes you defensive

As though it is something I am casting upon you

I���ve inflicted you with its sight

Instead of sharing with you.

It was meant to be a moment of

���Look at what I found���

Not

���Look at this thing for which I am giving you sole responsibility for making okay.���

My fears aren���t yours to fix,

But they are a talking point

Breaking down my anxiety into

Manageable morsels

That we can tackle in tandem

Through conscious conversations

Instead of leaving me to trial and error in terror, alone.

When I say that I miss being resilient,

Because anxiety didn���t used to taunt me,

It is because what I really fear is being

So worn down that I give up.

Admitting that doesn���t mean I���ve thrown in the towel.

Admitting that means I still have some fight left.

Admitting that to you means I want you on my team.

Admitting that doesn���t mean you have to battle for me.

Admitting that just means I trust you to hear me.