Stop Making Change Hard

My two daughters are grown and married now, but I remember clearly when I taught both of them to drive a car with a stick shift. They were excited to learn to drive, and I couldn’t wait to be a part of a milestone in their lives. I also remember that every single person who heard I was going to teach my daughters to drive warned me about how hard it was going to be. One person said, “You’re going to pull your hair out—just don’t yell at your daughter.”

Each time someone predicted how difficult it would be to teach my daughters to drive, I replied with some version of, “Are you kidding—this is going to be great.” And it was. Did they stall out at times, release the clutch too quickly causing us to lurch forward, and make other mistakes? Yes, and we laughed each time. That was our agreement—“You’re going to learn by making mistakes and we’re going to have fun along the way.”

Learning to drive, like learning any skill in life or improving something, has to do with change. I realize changing aspects of our personal life, a team at work, or an entire company culture is more complex than learning to drive—but why do I always hear how hard it is to achieve change—either personally or organizationally? Google the question “Is it hard to change?” and you will be overwhelmed with explanations as to why change is so hard.

Could it be that we think change is hard because:

We’ve been told change is hard:

Is it possible change is often hard because we expect it to be? We’re told by experts that people hate change and that change initiatives usually fail—because they're so hard to pull off. They tell us most company mergers fail and most New Year’s Resolutions fail. Both are true, but does that prove change is hard? 

I suggest it only proves that the way we go about these tasks is not conducive to change. Instead, why don’t we learn from those who successfully made change and who look back on it with pride and good memories?

We believe change is hard:

When we’re told “change is hard” we’re not being told, “There’s going to be challenges along the way, but you can handle them well.” What we’re being told is, “This is going to be unpleasant—you’d better just accept that.” Isn’t that called a “Self-fulfilling Prophesy?”

I’m not saying we should be naïve and say, “Everything about this is going to be smooth, easy, and wonderful.” I’m saying the attitude we bring to change will either make it harder than it needs to be, or make it a great learning and growing experience.

Maybe we’re trying to change the wrong thing:

If your company is making a change you “hate,” that’s a clue you’re in the wrong place. The problem isn’t the change that’s being proposed—the problem is the company’s vision isn’t your vision. We love the process of change when it’s what we want. If you’re confronted with or thinking about a change you don’t want, say “NO” to it. Otherwise, you’re going to be in conflict—and that’s what is painful.

Think about a time you learned to do something you considered fun, like skiing or photography. On one hand, there were times that were difficult—but overall, you didn’t experience what you went through as “hard” in the way change is often experienced. When you’re in the right “job,” change is stimulating, engaging, and (at times) even pleasurable.

Making Change a Positive Experience:

The bottom line is that there is a difference between something being “hard” and it being “challenging.” “Hard” means some version of “I don’t want this.” “Challenging means “I want this, and I’m up for the challenge.” These are two very different sets of attitudes, and each one will create a very different experience. 

We get to choose whether we will change or not, and we get to choose the attitude we bring to it. We get to choose between “Hard”—this is bad and I don’t want it” and “Challenging”—this is good, bring on the challenges! It’s time we dropped the victim mentality when it comes to change. Instead, let’s choose the change we want and go after it with an ownership mentality.

- Alan Allard, Executive Coach