Are You Guilty of These Communication Mistakes

A few days ago I received a check from a client for her monthly coaching fees. I noticed the amount was much higher than needed, so I called Julia to see why. Because she “writes” her checks online Julia asked me, “Didn’t you see my note of explanation and thank you?" I told her, “No. There is no note section on the check.”

It turns out that every month for the past four months, Julia had been writing me a short note along with the check and assumed we had succesfully communicated (a fair assumption). In reality, no communication had taken place. After we both laughed, the incident reminded me of the famous quote by George Bernard Shaw: “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

Communication is the lifeblood of our relationships, both personally and professionally. Yet, how much attention do we really give to it? Now is a good time for us to remind ourselves of these three communication tips: 

Communication is an active, ongoing process:

You can’t just tell your boss, co-worker or family member something and expect them to understand exactly what you meant. Likewise, you can’t assume you know what someone meant just because you heard the words. Ask clarifying questions to make sure everyone is on the same page. Great communicators stay in the communication process until they know that communication has really taken place. 

It’s (almost) impossible to over-communicate:

Your loved ones might not want to hear, “I love you” every five minutes, and your co-workers don’t need you to over-compliment them. However, as a former psychotherapist with many years of coaching, consulting and providing workshops, I can tell you they want more positive feedback than they’re getting. Very few leaders, managers, co-workers, family members or friends are in danger of over-communicating—and that likely includes you and me.

The quality of your communication is determined by the results you get:

We all have at least one person we wish would listen better or quit assuming we can read their minds. Or how about that person you’ve sent an email to as a reminder of a certain deadline—and they still miss it. Then they insist you never told them about the deadline. Yes, they need to improve their part in the communication process. However, if you want better results in your communication with someone, you have to make it happen. Expecting them to change is all but guaranteeing nothing will change. Put your ego aside and create the better communication you want. 

  -Alan Allard, Executive Coach