The Literati is On a Roll

It’s 5 for 5 and you’re alive. Here are some weird things happening on the Internet today that do not include my eating a full, fibrous bag of dried apricot though you should know, that is happening, too.

In real time.

1. All Eyes On: To Kill a Mockingbird. Author Harper Lee announced this morning that a sequel is in progress. Sources confirm it is not being called Tequila Mockingbird. This, of course presents a question: when the book ended the first time, did you think to yourself, Man this needs a sequel? Do you ever feel that way when a good book — I mean a really, really good book ends? I’m not saying this smells of Sex and the City 2 but I am saying that I’m dubious. Sorry, okay?

2. ThreeTwelveMinutes: While we’ve already grown privy to the budding trifecta that is Paul x Rihanna x Kanye, a music video has surfaced thus reconfirming our faith in humanity and the denim that reliably clothes it.

3. Moo! David Duchovny’s book came out today. It is called Holy Cow and follows a de facto cow on a journey away from a farm upstate, where she learns about industrial meat farming, to her holy land in India — where she is considered sacred. Guest appearances include such prolific livestock as one pig en route to Israel. It’s been described as a “pseudo-children’s book that smart adults should greatly enjoy” and features the makings for a millennially-charged viral sensation what with its generous tolerance policy. Not specified is whether Hank Moody makes a cameo.

4. Ka-ching$ While we’re speaking books, The Outnet generously dropped a new loot of Olympia Le-Tan, priced at a rare 57% off retail. Remember — it’s not how much you spend, it’s how much you save.

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5. OMFG YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT? Mount Rushmore got bangs.