Be Confident Even When You're Dealing With Cynics

I had a client who wanted to leave her stable corporate job to start her own company. Her husband was, let’s just say, ‘not happy!’ And another who proposed to merge the two largest programs in her organization, but her boss refused to buy in. 

They started to question themselves, their ideas, and whether they could ever make their vision a reality. 

Are you guided to do a next step, but someone whose support you need is a nay-sayer? How can you keep moving forward with confidence? 

Feel it strongly inside of you
Sometimes it makes sense to keep your vision to yourself until you have planted the seeds and it’s too late to turn back. But if you must share it, and others don’t support you, keep your passion alive. Emotionalize your vision by seeing it vividly in your minds-eye, and allow yourself to get excited about it. Surround your mind with stories of successful women and unsung heroines in our culture who persisted in the face of lack of support. 

Honor that your naysayer’s point of view comes naturally to them, but also know that you are entitled to your point of view. If it’s someone who doesn’t believe in you, then stop believing what they say to you. Remind yourself that what they say to you is a reflection of ‘their own story,’ about THEIR life, not about the possibility that you can create for yours. 

And don’t waste your energy being frustrated at other people for their limitations. Rather accept others’ level of evolution, and work on yours!

See if you can find people other than your naysayer to support the idea. For one of the women it was a coaching group of fellow women entrepreneurs. For the other it was peers in her organization – she formed an advisory group to consider strategic directions and the group’s recommendations gave more weight to her proposals. You can even find support in a virtual community. 

Frame it in terms of what’s in it for them
People are often motivated by how they will benefit from a situation. Maybe others are threatened that your success will ‘show them up’ or make them feel small? Maybe your boss has a different strategic direction for the group? Figure out what is most important to them and help them understand how your actions will help THEM get more of what they want. Address their concerns head on. Paint the picture of how you will earn more for the family, or how this will make you more happy to be around, or how you will be a good role model for your children. Speak the language of your boss (i.e., use data, financial numbers, or consumer insights) and show how your proposed ideas will help further the objectives of your group. Incorporate the feedback of others who you think have your best interest in mind and are not just naysayers. 

Formulate a plan and share it 
Make a plan to show what you are going to do to ‘go for’ your dream. For example, one of the women brought her husband a 1 year transition plan with monthly milestone and financial projections so he could be won over by her preparation and could follow along with each milestone that she met. She indicated the benchmarks she would use to evaluate whether her plan was working, and possibly course correct. 

For the woman in the organization, she aligned her proposal with restructuring going on in the organization and then it made sense to her boss. 

Don’t allow yourself to be brought down to others’ level, instead lift them up with your passion. Confidence is contagious! 

So think about what you are here to contribute… and have the confidence to go for it! It’s time for you to launch your own Confidence Revolution!  

-Sharon Melnick, PhD, January 2015 Career Coach