The Writer Master List
If you're a writer or have known any, you're bound to recognise at least a few of these behaviours ...
1) Some writers secretly believe they are geniuses. What's more, they firmly believe that they're the finest proponent of the written word who has ever lived.
2) Some writers, having read the above, will shake their heads and sigh, "It's genii, you plebeian."
3) Some writers would rather do anything - say, watch something mildly diverting on YouTube, chat on social media or alphabetise their stationery - than do any actual writing.
4) Some writers find the concept of marketing or approaching an agent intrinsically repugnant and vulgar. Surely their talent is such that interest should gravitate towards them?
5) Some writers are opposed to the idea of writing groups because it involves listening to other people read out and discuss their work. People's time could be spent far more constructively, i.e. listening to them read out and discuss their work.
6) Some writers believe that unless you adopt a dark polo neck with glasses, some member of the fedora family or floating scarves with jangly jewellery and hennaed hair, no one will realise they're a writer. They try to look like they're posing for their dust jacket picture - men gazing soulfully into the distance, women with a bad case of Pre Raphaelite broken neck - at all times.
7) Some writers will find any excuse to insert their writing into absolutely any topic of conversation whatsoever. You ask what the weather's due to be like next weekend, they'll tentatively mention this scene they're too bashful to divulge ... and then go ahead anyway.
8) Some writers believe that they hold the universal rights to eccentric crime solving masterminds and titian haired love interests. Anyone who accidentally uses these elements in their writing is a derivative hack who must be brought to justice.
9) Some writers believe that popular fiction is the province of easily pleased, slack jawed idiots, and True Art is only appreciated by a rare discerning few.
10) Some writers, on reading the above, will demand my head in a rucksack. They'll say I'm an insult to the profession and should be excommunicated forthwith. Anyone who doesn't - and managed a wince of recognition - should congratulate themselves on being completely level headed and sane.
1) Some writers secretly believe they are geniuses. What's more, they firmly believe that they're the finest proponent of the written word who has ever lived.
2) Some writers, having read the above, will shake their heads and sigh, "It's genii, you plebeian."
3) Some writers would rather do anything - say, watch something mildly diverting on YouTube, chat on social media or alphabetise their stationery - than do any actual writing.
4) Some writers find the concept of marketing or approaching an agent intrinsically repugnant and vulgar. Surely their talent is such that interest should gravitate towards them?
5) Some writers are opposed to the idea of writing groups because it involves listening to other people read out and discuss their work. People's time could be spent far more constructively, i.e. listening to them read out and discuss their work.
6) Some writers believe that unless you adopt a dark polo neck with glasses, some member of the fedora family or floating scarves with jangly jewellery and hennaed hair, no one will realise they're a writer. They try to look like they're posing for their dust jacket picture - men gazing soulfully into the distance, women with a bad case of Pre Raphaelite broken neck - at all times.
7) Some writers will find any excuse to insert their writing into absolutely any topic of conversation whatsoever. You ask what the weather's due to be like next weekend, they'll tentatively mention this scene they're too bashful to divulge ... and then go ahead anyway.
8) Some writers believe that they hold the universal rights to eccentric crime solving masterminds and titian haired love interests. Anyone who accidentally uses these elements in their writing is a derivative hack who must be brought to justice.
9) Some writers believe that popular fiction is the province of easily pleased, slack jawed idiots, and True Art is only appreciated by a rare discerning few.
10) Some writers, on reading the above, will demand my head in a rucksack. They'll say I'm an insult to the profession and should be excommunicated forthwith. Anyone who doesn't - and managed a wince of recognition - should congratulate themselves on being completely level headed and sane.
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