So Many Emotions

"I believe ONE thing.   I believe we should always say ‘I LOVE YOU’ to the people we love.”
-MR. NOBODY,
a 2009 film starring Jared Leto

Besides the recent letter from Steven Antol dated January 22, 1989, the postcards from Paloma dated the same day and the recent departure of Johnny, Aaron and Jeff it was still a day and night of Sunday fun.I took a nice, long bike ride in and around Harbor Bay Island and South Shore beach followed by a random visit to mom’s house.   Mom was busy paying bills and I took a photo of her at the edge of her dining table as she was in expert organized-mode of signing checks.

PHOTO:  Mom - Virginia Marie Lucero-Armijo “I’m so glad my guests are gone,” I announced to mom, “I felt like I had to be ON and play tour guide.   And now I have to meet Lottie today in The City.”“I don’t know why you get yourself into all of these things.”
“I know…at the time I plan them it’s fun; but when it’s time for the people to come I wish I could just ride my bike and hang-out with you over a movie.”
“I know!”  Mom agreed.

When I returned home I received a phone call from Steven Antol from Hawaii.  I was pleasantly surprised.   I had been taking a nap but it was a nice way to wake up.  We had a great talk by phone.   I could tell that we both couldn’t wait to see one another again.   I guess it remains to be seen.PHOTO:  Lottie McHenry on Folsom Street, SF On this Sunday, January 22, 1989, I drove in to San Francisco to meet Lottie who was visiting from Sacramento.   I took a cool pic of her amidst a postcard stand in San Francisco.
 
We meandered around the City and had a fun day.  It was early evening and we ended up on Folsom Street at Hamburger Mary’s.   It was such a trip.   We met such interesting people.   I had my Polaroid camera, so I was able to document the people we met through images (just like formulating a file like photojournalist Billy Kwan—played by actress Linda Hunt—in the 1982 film THE YEAR OF LIVING DANGEROUSLY). I got a solo shot of Lottie in happiness mode.

I got a photo of ‘Lottie and I’ after a cocktail or two.  Lottie was in accelerated happy mode.  We were both feeling ultimate happiness energy.   There was such an intensity of good time fun when I was with Lottie.

There was this one guy at the bar with long hair who had a reptile pet named ONYX.  Lottie couldn’t get over it.   We continued to joke about running into a reptile.    Lottie referred to him as The Reptile Man.  It was just too hilarious."Who brings a reptile to a bar?" I asked.  Lottie rolled her eyes and didn't have to say 'whatever goes' in order to make me laugh hysterically.  Lottie did say, "Whatever floats one's boat."
 PHOTO:  The Reptile Man and ONYX

Lottie spoke to 'The Reptile Man', "You know...if you don't meet someone at the bar you always have your reptile!" 
More laughter...There was also a mother and daughter team at Hamburger Mary’s.   I thought the mother resembled CHER.   The daughter looked outright gorgeous and I wanted her telephone number; however, how does one get a phone number of a girl while her mother is seated right next to her.   I actually got her number (793-8569).   It's amazing how brave I get after a cocktail. The daughters’ name was JOYCE and she wrote her telephone number on back of the Polaroid photo I had taken of them.   I know I tried calling JOYCE a few times but it seemed to go nowhere.   She wasn’t too attentive at returning my calls.  Besides, I had Steven and Rhonda 'on my plate'.  I needed to finish my current serving.

Lottie and I also met a man in the bar (much older than I) but interesting because he was from Denmark.   His name was Soren Langelund.   He was visiting San Francisco and spearheaded an organization that helped exchange students in Europe and America.   We exchanged addresses and he promised to write to me.   I believe he took a fancy to me but I didn’t really have an interest ‘in that way’.   I was simply intrigued by his intelligence and the business that he ran.    I managed to get a photo of Soren while hugging Lottie.   I may have been wrong about him but he kept giving me that hypnotic eye look.PHOTO:  Soren Langelund and Lottie
It was a great Sunday in the City.

January 24, 1989A couple of days later I kept getting phone calls from my coworker, Cedric Green.    He was so persistent that I finally couldn’t say no when he invited himself over to my place in Alameda. 

Cedric was at my pad and said, “You know, Mike, I really like you.”“I know.   I think you’re cool, too.”
“No, I really like you.”
“Oh.”
It didn’t go any further.   I just wasn’t into him in that manner.   It was a friendly visit and I was happy the way it ended.   We’re merely friends even though he still hopes for more.  
“Wait, let me get a photo of you next to my globe.”
Cedric laughed, “Sure, Mike!”
PHOTO:  Cedric Green
After Cedric Green left my house I was happy to be alone to read the latest letter I received from Honolulu.   It was a new letter on NARITA TOKYU Japan Hotel stationery from Steven Antol.   He wrote:

01/23/89, Honolulu, Hawaii Dear Michael,
I hope that you received my first letter w/matches and photo enclosed.  It was nice talking w/you last night.  Sorry that I woke you up.  I kind of thought you’d be sleeping but some wild force dragged me to the telephone dial before I could stop myself…Ha-ha.

I went to the post-office today.   Wow!   What a day for mail.   Thank you.   I received your postcards and I did receive your cassette tape of songs.   Thank you very much for all of your notes and your wonderful music.   I enjoyed the tape very much.   You’ve put quite a bit of my favorites on there.   I listened to it a few times today, mostly while I was driving back and forth from Kailua where I live to town.

On my way home this afternoon as I was driving over the Pali…I did a detour and went up to the Pali Lookout.  Have you been there?   I was feeling kind of great with the music playing.   The trades were blowing and I’d thought I’d take advantage of the beautiful day and sit down at the lookout.   I’ve been doing so many things lately, so many emotions.   I thought it would be nice to stop and rest.   Well, it was wonderful, the green valley, the blue ocean, the mountain winds all felt fine and looked awesome.   And yes I did think fondly of you, Michael.   I have a lot of work ahead of me but I do look very forward to when I can make a trip to SFO and visit with you.  Please be patient because I can’t promise anything soon, but when I can make it, I promise that you’ll be the first to know. Hey, THANKS for sharing your special biker card with me.   I enjoyed it very much and even more that you held on to it for so long…a very kind gesture.  Mahalo!

San Francisco must be in quite high spirits now that the SUPERBOWL is theirs.  Lots of celebration…yeah? I’m on-call tomorrow morning.   I have no idea where I’ll end up for the next three days.   It’s always a surprise.   That second night we met I was very shocked when I found out I was going to Manila, Japan and Taiwan, etc.   I wasn’t ready for that.   I just wanted to stay home that night.   I’m glad it all worked out well.   I was able to get a quick nap in on the flight to Japan.   Thank God…I only had about nearly 3-hours of sleep.   Yes, I was tired but the whole trip I thought of why I was tired and then I smiled.   I knew it would be OK.

I gave a call to my family.   They all live in Pittsburgh, PA.   They were all fine.   I enjoy talking with them.   They always treat me very well.   I told my parents to get passports, so one day I can take them on a short trip with me to the Orient or Down Under.   I think that they would love it. Hey, you sounded a little displaced from your work place.   Hang in there…just make the best of it.   When you’re ready for a change…DO IT.   It’s always for the best.   I believe strongly in growth and change.   How do the other departments look?   Anything interesting?   Check it out.

Well, it’s time for a shower and I’ll then get some sleep.   Take care of yourself.  Enjoy your biking and workouts.   It looks like it highly agrees with you.  Bye for now…will keep in touch.
Love, Steven PS-I hope you don’t mind my extra Christmas stamps.   They’re almost gone. 
Hey, what does the “J” stand for?  What’s your middle name, Michael?

I loved Steven’s letter and I could relate to his line about ‘so many emotions’.   This must be commonplace for  both men and women in their late twenties/early thirties.   I did shudder a bit when I read his line 'I can't promise anything soon'.   I hope I get to see him again soon.  It feels so dry and lonely when it ends abruptly.   I feel the same about Rhonda.  I dare not mention Rhonda to Steven.   I dare not mention Steven to Rhonda.  I've written to Rhonda but no replies (sadness).
January 27, 1989Another few days passed and Lottie was still in town.   She came to Alameda and she signed the House Book she gifted me.   She wrote:

PHOTO:  Lottie,
WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
January 27, 1989I am here and tomorrow I’m gone.   Michael has all of the evidence.

The evidence included a half-torn ticket from our movie in San Francisco on this day of Pedro Almodovar’s WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.   The paper coaster from a drink we had at the FAIRMONT HOTEL and business cards from LIGHTENING FOODS at One Market Plaza, MEL’S DRIVE-IN (where we both enjoyed banana split sundaes) and the HAKKA CUISINE TON KIANG RESTAURANT at 3148 Geary Blvd.

This was the last entry to this House Book.   She is so much fun and I cannot wait to see her again.   I love her energy and she makes me laugh.  Laughter is necessary in life.  I recalled how Rhonda made me feel so nervous (yet excited) in Hawaii; however, Lottie, always makes me feel so natural and she makes it so easy to simply have a good time and not feel all of these worrisome barriers.   While Lottie and I were at Mel's Diner I captured a still photo of her by the balloons.   She took a pic of me while I was smitten (cherry sundae-style).
 It was a big surprise in the mailbox today.  I received more correspondence today.  It was a triple whammy as I received a letter from “Help Me” Rhonda, Soren Langelund (the mysterious Danish gentleman that Lottie and I met at Hamburger Mary's) and another letter from Steven Antol.   I began to wonder if the OUIJA Board didn’t mean that I’d link up with a woman named RHONDA but perhaps a ‘beach boy’ (since the song is from THE BEACH BOYS).  Ha-ha.

Rhonda’s letter wasn’t as lengthy as Steven’s but at least she took the time to write and acknowledge my correspondence.   She wrote:January 25, 1989
Dear Michael,
ALOHA!   Thank you so much for the cards.   I loved it.   I just got back from KAUAI a couple of hours ago.   It was the most beautiful place I have ever seen.   I loved it.   Sorry I missed your call on Super Bowl Sunday.   I was rooting for San Francisco and I’m so glad they won. 

I went to HARD ROCK a couple of days ago and ordered a Hurricane cocktail and it reminded me of you!   Have you found out yet if you get to go to Maui?   Make sure you let me know, so I can fly over and meet you there because I haven’t seen Maui yet.   I know we would have a great time.   I think I am going to my Dad’s house in March (Livermore).   I will let you know, so you can meet me at the airport and then we can go play in San Francisco!   Sounds fun.   Well, I have to go work.   Sorry it took so long for the letter. 

XOXOLove, RHONDASoren sent me a postcard from Minneapolis, Minnesota.  I guess he’s on a cross-country trek in search of foreign exchange students.   His postcard was postmarked January 25, 1989 and he wrote:

Hi Michael,Just a brief note to show that I didn’t forget you…in fact I’ve been thinking quite a lot of you lately.   I hope to meet you again soon.   I’ll be continuing on to Denmark tomorrow.   Hope to hear from you.

Yours, Soren V. L. LangelundAnd the latest letter from Steven Antol, PO Box 30927, Honolulu, HI 96820.   He wrote at 2:11AM the following:

Good Morning Michael,It’s late and I’m ready to sleep, but again I wanted to say hello.   I just got back from POPO’s, a Mexican Restaurant and Bar.   My friend, Brent, who I used to work with as a Concierge at UNITED, is changing jobs.   A few of us got together to say goodbye.   I bought a flower lei and dropped it off not intending to stay long.  Well, my friend, Diane, dropped in and we got to talking.   I had a juice and a coke and 11PM turned into 1AM.  I didn’t drink since I am on call.   I was supposed to work today but they didn’t call me.   I guess all of the trips are covered.   Tomorrow maybe…

I went to the airport tonight to pick up a check.   I wasn’t going to my mailbox since I was running a little late.   I thought about you as I was again listening to your tape and thought ‘just maybe’ there would be some mail form you.   Well, I went and YES…there was a letter from you.   Thank you again.   The card was wonderful and yes, I found the kangaroos hiding out in the bushes…Ha-Ha.I liked the card and thanks for the note.   I was happy to hear from you and it helped me enjoy my late evening.   I told myself that I would write you before I went to sleep tonight.

I received my schedule for Japan.   I have off the 16th thru the 20th.   I’m going to work on getting a trip to leave Japan and fly to SFO to visit you for maybe two days.   I’m not sure how things will work out but let me know if you’ll be home those days.   I guess it would be more like the 17th and 18th.   Hey…I made a mistake.   It’s the 6ththru the 10th—so maybe the 7th, 8th and 9thof February (somewhere in that area).   If you’re going to be home, I’ll do my best to cross the Pacific for a visit.   Why not, right?   It’s probably about a 14 hour flight.   I think I can handle it.

I hope you’re excited with the news.   I’ll probably talk with you before I leave for Japan.I think I’ll take a short drive to the post-office and mail this letter.   I’m excited for you to receive it.   Sometimes I can hardly wait for things--.
Have a Happy Day,
ALOHA, Steven

Needless to say, I was overly excited about seeing Steven again within the next two weeks (hopefully).   I was nervously excited.  Was there really a future in us though?  So many emotions were sifting and I clearly wasn't sure which tunnel I would enter.   I simply knew that I enjoyed the latest in attention.  I was enjoying it all very much.If we’re frank about our feelings, we have a safety valve; and if we have a safety valve, we’re actually less likely to start persecuting.   I know that theory is unfashionable nowadays.   We all keep trying to believe that if we ignore something long enough it’ll just vanish…
--Christopher Isherwood
A SINGLE MAN