Enjoy Every Day of Your LIFE

‘…the past is always the past, and something is always lost; just as something is always preserved; and, also, discovered.’
-An Obscure Grave Epilogue
THE DEAD DUKE HIS SECRET WIFE and the MISSING CORPSE
by Piu Marie Eatwell


Diary Notes...January 15, 1989I think I fell in love ‘at first sight’ and especially when she told me her name.   If one rewinds several years I was playing the OUIJA Board with my high-school pal, Elisa.  
Elisa asked the OUIJA Board, “What is the name of the man I will marry?”
The answer spelled out ‘H U G H’.   And sure enough, she married a man named Rick with the middle name, Hugh!  
I asked the OUIJA Board, “What is the name of the girl I will marry?”
The OUIJA mechanism spelled out ‘R H O N D A’.   I always thought that perhaps it meant I’d meet her while the Beach Boys song ‘HELP ME RHONDA’ was playing at a nightclub.

Here I am in Hawaii and I decided to go out to familiar territory:  The Hard Rock Café.   It was easy enough.   They had a spacious dance floor.   There was a bar.   I could scope the scene (and this time without Laverne).   Within a matter of half an hour I met two gals with beautiful smiles.I had my eyes on one in particular.    I said, “My name’s Michael.”
PHOTO:  Samantha Barker, me, Rhonda Rezendes I continued with a smile and asked her, “Are you a local.”
She smiled back at me with loveable eyes and said, “I’m Rhonda.   And no…I’m from California.”
My mouth opened wide and my eyes had to show an unbelievable aura.
“You won’t believe this but I’m supposed to meet a girl named Rhonda!”
“What?”
…just then another girl appeared.   It was her friend, Samantha.   She was equally beautiful, wearing one of those soft cashmere sweaters that made her breasts look outright gorgeous.   One could only wish and imagine what was inside her white cashmere top.   Luckily, I had my Polaroid camera with me for instant-gratification.   I had a nearby stranger take a picture of me stuck-in-the-middle of Samantha and Rhonda. 

 Suddenly, I was on Waikiki Beach having pleasant get-to-know-you time with Rhonda.   We simply talked and exchanged a few kisses.  Samantha was nearby at a bar near the beach.   I took a cool pic of Rhonda lying on the beach with my gray alligator pointed shoes set before her.
I set the timer of my Polaroid for a couple of dynamic duo shots of the two of us.  Rhonda wrote on one of the Polaroid photographs:  ‘The Best of Us, except when unclothed’.   A part of me wondered if I’d ever see her again.   She said she lives in the Livermore area of California and that’s just a hop, skip and a jump from me.   It’s highly likely I will see Rhonda again.   I am so excited about ‘us’.
PHOTO:  me and 'Rhonda Rezendes'
All good nights tend to end too quickly.   Rhonda had to regroup with Samantha but we enjoyed our farewell kisses.
Suddenly, I was alone again.   The night was fairly young and I walked in the Hawaiian moonlight ever-so-excited about meeting Rhonda.   I wanted to hear the Beach Boys song (HELP ME RHONDA) so badly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPnBrK6D26g 
On this same day, January 15, 1989…Paloma was writing me these words in a letter.   I never received the information about her friend, Monica, in time for my Hawaiian departure: Dear Michael…
Thank your mom.   That was very nice of her to give me the ‘WHITE LINEN’ perfume.   I’m crazy about that one.   I can’t believe what you’re telling me about the samples that accidentally slipped into your pocket.  You are nuts!   Don’t do that again.  Can you imagine how I would feel if something happened to you because of a perfume sample!   When I asked you for samples, I meant if you ever happen to run into one to think about me.   Don’t go for that though!   I’m really flattered you did that for me but it is way too risky.  About Catherine Deneuve…I can also find that sample over here at that price (lots of collectors sell samples at crazy prices now) but I don’t think it’s worth it.  Samples are supposed to be free.   There is no way I’d pay for that one.

I remember very well when that man talked to us when we walked out of SAFEWAY (to say ‘I bet you both look GREAT on the beach’).   We had just had some pizza and ice-cream and that’s when you asked me if I wanted to go to Vegas…remember that?   I’m just thinking about the night when we went out together.   I don’t remember the name of the place.  I almost got in a fight to save you a parking place…remember that one?  We use to drink lots of WHITE RUSSIANS (if that’s the right name?  What are they made of?)  We have a bar in our apartment.   We will make some WHITE RUSSIANS when you come.The night we met some guy from my gym (a huge body builder) said “On se laisse holer”.   It’s what we call in French “un jeu de mots” which means ‘a game with words’ and that means true things at the same time.  I remember very well…you can see I remember everything.  The body builder was saying “You’re letting yourself go!” and “You’re getting a tan?”   Those sentences are like jokes, very hard to translate.

Agde, France is like Alameda.   It is warm from March until November (pretty much).   I think it might be a little colder at Winter time.  I think summer is warmer over here.   We can swim in the sea!I can’t translate PAL/SECAM…but you can tell me now if you’ve been able to see the tape I sent you.  Let me know, if you can…then I’ll record good things for you.

I don’t really understand what kind of dolls your mom collects.   Could you send me a picture?   Then I’ll promise you to look around.Well, thank you for the compliments.  That sure is nice to hear (or to read!).   Don’t worry.   I won’t let it go to my head.   I don’t even think I’m that concerned to tell you the truth.   When you haven’t seen something or someone for a long time it always looks nicer (in your memory) that it really is…but again…who cares about looks?   What really counts is what’s inside, what I mean is if you ever get bald or fat or whatever…I’ll love you the same way.

I haven’t seen any of the movies you’re telling me about.   I’m sure I will.   Which one did you like?So…do you like being in front of a camera?   I did a lot of stage when I was working at CLUB MED but I hated that.   I’m no good at all for that kind of thing.   I was scared as hell.

Thank you for the picture.   No, no…you’re wrong.  You can tell about Hawaii.   I’ll be really happy to hear that some of us go the beach, get tan and stuff (while I am working all day long like a slave in the cold winter and rain).   That’s ok, Michael.   Did you have a good time?You’re right.   My Birthday was January 3rd.  I am thirty now…nothing we can do about that, right?

No, I’ve never been able to listen to your cassette.About the clippings…I saw the election of that Miss France 1989 on TV.   I was in Paris for the holidays.   I’m sure that was fake.   As soon as she fell down she got up fresh as a rose!   I saw the Eiffel Tower like that, too.   Did I tell you I spent the holidays in Paris with my family?  Well, I do every year now.   They only have one grandson.

I’ll stop this letter now; pretty soon I won’t be able to pay for the stamp.  Here is Monica’s address.   I don’t have her phone number (you’re pretty good at finding phone numbers aren’t you?).   She lives with her boyfriend (she just sent me a picture—he looks gorgeous):Monica Allerstorfer, 322 Aoloa St. #1403, Kailua, Hawaii 96734
Here is my phone number.   Did you look on a map to see where I live?
Write me…Love, Paloma

January 15, 1989 didn’t end for me so quickly.   After meeting Rhonda I felt emptiness.   She corrected me that she actually lives in San Diego but visits Livermore from time-to-time to see family (her father?).   I will likely be picking her up from the Oakland or San Francisco Airport in a month when she comes to Livermore.It was a comfortable warm night in Honolulu.   I went over to the THE WAVE as I like the 80s music there.   While Rhonda had left me for the evening I still felt like exploring.  I was on vacation.   It wasn’t jumping the way I wanted it to be at THE WAVE, so I left and went to HULA’s, a gay/mixed bar.   The music there is also good.   I couldn’t help myself and chose to order a White Russian cocktail.  One fellow was there who smiled at me and seemed friendly enough.   His blue eyes in the darkness of the bar caught my eye with his dark hair.  He was right next to me, so it was natural to strike up a conversation.
“Hi, I’m Michael.   Where are you from?”
“Pittsburg, Pennsylvania.”
“Oh…I’ve never been there.  I’m from California.”
“You’re not from so far,” Steven said with a smooth, different sort of accent.
“I guess not, it is easy to get here.”
“It’s loud in here.”
“Yes, the music is good though…don’t you think?”
“Yes,” Steven said, but I could tell he didn’t want to dance.
“You have the most amazing blue eyes.   I bet you hear that all of the time.”
“Oh no, I don’t.”   He said it so matter-of-factly and sincerely.
“Well…I really like your eyes.   Sometimes I wish I had light eyes to go with my dark hair.  You have this accent that is so different too.   I like it when you talk.”
He laughed, “You’re such a nice person.”
“Do you think so?”
“Yes, I can read people pretty well.”
“What do you do in Pennsylvania?” I asked.
“I feel very lucky.   I get to travel.  I work as a flight attendant for United Airlines.   I fly to Hawaii a lot because I studied Japanese and I often fly to Japan.”
"Now…that’s pretty exotic.  What’s it like in Japan?”  I asked, while simultaneously recalling that this was Paloma’s dream job.   Why did he get the job and NOT her? 
“It’s hard to hear you in here.   Do you want to take a walk to the beach?”
I took another swig of my White Russian and said, “Okay, let’s go.”
I walked with Steven.   I learned his full name to be Steven Antol.   I gave him my surname, explaining my Spanish heritage.
Steven continued about his love for Japan, “Michael, you have no idea how friendly the people of Japan are to me.   I speak a little Japanese and they are the most kindest people in the world.”
“Well, you’re pretty kind, so it probably bounces back easily,” I said with a smile.   I loved how he would articulate and enunciate each and every word.

He smiled back as we walked along the shoreline.   It was dark now and he was telling me how he was still friendly with kids that he knew from kindergarten.   I loved that and I shared with him the fact that I was still friendly with some of the kids I knew from first-grade at St. Anthony's School in Oakland, CA.

Steven is about my age, born in 1959.   I liked the fact that we were so close in age.  He thought I was younger.   I shared with him how I worked at the phone company.   We kept walking.  We reached his car.   He is often based in Honolulu so he often rents a car and keeps a PO Box in Honolulu.  “I know a great beach not far from here.   Do you want to go to see it?”
For a moment, I wasn’t sure but he seemed such a natural and honest human-being.   I asked, “You can drive me back, right?”
“Of course,” Steven said.   We drove off and he did find a very secluded beach that was only a fifteen minute drive.   There was a beautiful house above but the lights were dim.
“This is so nice, Wow!”  I exclaimed.
PHOTO:   STEVEN A ANTOL
"Aren’t the moonlight and the stars so beautiful here in Hawaii?”
“Yes, I love it,” I replied as I heard each wave passing gently with the night breeze.
We settled and sat on a secluded part of this romantic beach setting near some rocks.   He chose the spot.
“So, have you been to this spot before?”
“Maybe once...”
“Well, it’s very nice,” I remarked, wondering who he had been here with before.   It fascinated me.
“It’s hard for me to look at you.”
“Well, your blue eyes ‘make it hard’ when I look at you.”

I wasn’t sure if he got my hint…but he looked at me longer and we just went into automatic passionate kissing mode.   It was a midnight rendezvous happening right here in Honolulu.   It seemed easier to be intimate with a fellow man.  There were no strings attached.  We could simply get instant gratification and feel good about doing it.   Women made it more complicated.  Was it the potential pregnancy issue?  I had mini flashes of thoughtful questions as we kissed:  ‘Where is Laverne?’  ‘Did I also really meet Rhonda tonight as well?’  ‘How and why does this double-trouble happen to me?’  ‘I really like this guy, Steven.’ The night came to a close as Steven and I exchanged information (addresses and telephone numbers).   I wondered if I’d ever hear from him again.   I guess it’s a 50-50 chance where both Rhonda and Steven are concerned.   It seems too good to be true.

I arrived back at the hotel very late.   Laverne was sleeping.   The time in Hawaii flew by.   I remember shopping for chocolate covered macadamia nuts for friends and family.   Before I knew it I was back on the mainland (as the locals say in Hawaii).
January 18, 1989I was bored after Hawaii.   I took a few self-portrait Polaroid’s to show off my Hawaiian tan before it faded.
I wanted to take a few shots to send to Rhonda and Steven before they forgot about me.   Have they already forgotten me? 

I was home in Alameda and my work day flew by.   I still had Rhonda and Steven on my mind but they seemed so far away at this point.   I was back to riding my bike and I saw Birda brush by me.   We rode together and I wanted to share my stories with her but felt afraid for her to know about the Steven situation.

Later, I was back in my townhome.   My phone rang and it was one of my ex-boyfriends:  Chad Mark Glen.
I practically fell off of my chair after I answered the phone.   He didn’t say anything at first.   I almost hung-up, then I realized it was him when he asked, “Can you guess who this is?”I gulped in question, “Chad?”
“Yes, how are you?”
He acted as though any mishaps we may have experienced are now erased.  I do not forget easily.   In any case, he’s coming over to my place in two days.   Am I ready for this?

January 20, 1989 Chad Mark Glen arrived.   Words can’t express how uncomfortable and nervous I felt before his arrival.   When the doorbell rang I was perspiring a bit. 

In order to break the ice I pulled out my Polaroid and suggested a couple of photos of him after I served him a Diet-Coke (it was his beverage of choice).   It really does help to hide behind a camera."I’m trying to cut down on the Diet Coke.”
“I know…I see you still drink it as if it were water.”

Chad laughed, "I do."
"Oh wait…you blinked on that photo, let’s take another one.
“Okay.”
Chad made himself comfortable on the corner of my couch.  I got the impression he thought we’d easily be in kissing mode.   I personally didn’t want to do that.   Too much water under the bridge had passed and I felt I’d be cheating on Rhonda (or Steven for that matter). 
The cordial meeting ended.   We hugged awkwardly.
Chad’s last words:  “Don’t be a stranger.”
“Okay…you too.”
After I shut my front door I thought, “That was weird.”
I clearly thought in my mind, "I'm glad he's gone."January 21, 1989

It seemed to be frequent visitor week.   I had forgotten that Johnny Schaefer (of Anaheim) had mentioned he’d be visiting Northern California with two of his Orange County friends (Aaron and Jeff).   They were spending the night at my pad.  None of them slept in my room.  Ha-ha.  There’s no way!I took a photo of the three of them, of course.
PHOTO:  Left to Right:  Johnny, Aaron, Jeff
I felt an obligation to show them a bit of the sights, so I drove to San Francisco and we ate at the ZUNI CAFÉ.

I recalled my House Book that Lottie had gifted me and I asked Aaron and Jeff to sign it.   They didn’t post any magazine clippings.   They simply wrote the following words:
1/21/89
Michael,
The very first “extra virgin” entry of the year.   Thanks for putting us up and for putting up with us.   Zuni’s was fun!   Remember how everything was the first one of the year?   Remember the GOOBER and GOOBERETTE sitting next to us?   And above all…remember “Figs in red wine with coffee ice-cream and walnut shortbread?”  
Thanks!   It’s been fun getting acquainted with you! 
Aaron M.I wonder if this meant that Aaron was literally ‘a virgin’?

1/21/89
Michael,
This is definitely becoming a tradition!    Staying at your house once every three years.   Can’t wait for 1992.   Next time I’ll remember to bring my own 9 or 10 clocks set at different times.   Thanks for letting us stay here.   It sure helped.
Jeff.

A few days later I arrived home from work and was excitedly thrilled to find a handwritten letter in my mailbox from none other than Steven Antol.   He didn’t forget me and he received the card I sent him.  I lost my eyeglasses and hoped he would find them in his car.   He wrote on CKS AIRPORT HOTEL Stationary from Taoyuan Taiwan.:
1/22/89, 1:15AM, Honolulu, Hawaii
Dear Michael…
Hey, Thanks for the card.   It was a nice treat to find a friendly note in my mailbox after a 5-day spree in the Orient.   My trip went well.   I visited Japan, Taiwan and The Philippines.   Didn’t get to see much of Taiwan and Manila as one plane arrived late evening and departure was kind of early in the morning.   Just time to eat and sleep and relax from a day of flying.   I was very excited for the opportunity to meet the other people from the various countries.   They smile politely and bow often.   It was very comfortable working with them although I don’t know any other languages except my limited Japanese.    Did I tell you I speak Japanese?  Oh…yes, I do remember that I told you.   You asked me about my accent.On the 29thof January I will fly to Japan for my one month stay.   I think the one month stay will do me good to calm me after a slightly turbulent relationship.   I kind of have mixed feelings about leaving but I know I will enjoy the experience while I am there.

I found out that I may have flights from Japan to Los Angeles, San Francisco and New York.   When and if I make it to the West Coast during this month I’ll contact you.   I would love to get together again.You know, I would also like to tell you how nice it was to meet you here in the islands.   The short time was very special for me too.   I’m looking forward to being with you again to share more conversation and acquire a good friendship...not to mention some other beaches, maybe?
(He had drawn a smiley-face and wrote Ha-ha after that sentence)

It may be a little while before we can get together.   I’ll try my best at the first available opportunity to hook up in Oakland.   If it is soon, well, that’s even better yet.Please continue to write me at my P.O. Box in Honolulu.   I will look forward to hearing from you.   I’ll probably have a few flights back to here, so I’ll be able to get my mail.

Oh, I did get the message.   I checked my car very carefully.   Sorry, but no glasses.   Do you think maybe you left them on the beach when you visited with your friend?   I’m sorry that you may have lost them.   If so, just forget about them and order a new pair.   I did the same in Japan once (lost my glasses).   I got over it quick because there is really nothing you can do…right?   I feel for you though, pal.  I picked up a few packs of watches along the way.   I thought about you in these other countries that I visited.   This stationery is from Taipei, Taiwan.

Well buddy…until we meet again.   Please take care of yourself, work hard and enjoy every day of your LIFE.   You deserve it.   Keep writing to me.  I don’t want to lose contact.   ALOHA, StevenAnd yes…Paloma sent two postcards from Agde, France at the same date that Steven wrote his letter.   Paloma wrote:
Agde, France, 22/01/89Dear Michael,
I just got two cards from you today.   Thank you.   Thank you for the mail insert, too.   I saw it before in the American COSMO.   I almost had a heart attack.   I thought that was a coupon to get a perfume sample…but no luck.

Would you please answer my questions?   Can I send you money in a letter?  Because you think I’m going to let you stay here for free…you’ve got to be kidding.   This is the South of France, Michael!   Be serious.   It’s a very expensive place.   Everybody wants to come here!   Eh…well, since you’re a very good friend maybe we can make a deal.   If you insist you can buy me a red corvette from the early 60’s.  Hahahaha! I bet you don’t have Boulangeries like this one in California.   This one isn’t exactly built last year.   Agde, France is a very old city.   It’s got a  lot of character.  In fact, it’s not really a city.   I would say it’s a town but it’s pretty neat.   Bonnie sent me a note to tell me that Alison was on a TV show.   Did I tell you she was doing some modeling?   She looks really good.    

What do you mean by ‘ you can’t always live with women’?   You just haven’t found the right one!About the perfume samples…your mom could have used the perfume in the White Linen sample.   I don’t really care about perfumes.   I only like the little bottles.   Thanks for the last ones you sent me.   I already had the NINA RICCI one.   I almost have all the French ones.   I didn’t have the other one and I love it.

And so…it’s been quite a humdinger of a beginning of the New Year thus far.  I feel joy, love and happiness; however, I still somewhat frayed by the unknown.   Why do I feel uncomfortable about sharing my meetings with Rhonda and Steven to Paloma?   After all, Paloma is so far way now.  She's with Alexandre and has a child.   It's over...isn't it?   I am excited to write letters to Paloma, Steven and Rhonda in the next day or so.All the great words…LOVE, JOY, HAPPINESS, HOME, MOTHER, FATHER, HUSBAND, etc.
HOME was a place you lived in, LOVE was a thing you didn’t fool yourself about, JOY was a word you applied to a good Charleston, HAPPINESS was a term of hypocrisy used to bluff other people, a FATHER was an individual who enjoyed his own existence, a HUSBAND was a man you lived with and kept going in spirits.   As for SEX, the last of the great words, it was just a cocktail term for an excitement that bucked you up for a while, then left you more raggy than ever.   Frayed!
-D.H. Lawrence
Lady Chatterley's Lover