The Highs and Lows of Molly

Call her old-fashioned, but my mother’s philosophy of name-bequeathing was simple: she wanted her children to have names that held a very slim likelihood of being misspelt or mispronounced. My three older siblings – Jack, Meg and Lucy – plus myself, can attest to this. Although it’s predominately been a smooth-sailing journey in the spelling and pronunciation correction department, there have still been some ups and downs.

If my quarter-century relationship with my given name, Molly, was presented via line graph, it would be reminiscent of the Nepalese Himalayas. Or the Manhattan skyline, for some contextual relevancy. Coupled with my last name, O’Brien, I’ve experienced numerous peaks and troughs of appreciation and ingratitude of this particular diminutive of Mary. They are as follows:

Trough: Getting voted #1 in the poll, “The Most Popular Dog Names In The English Speaking World.” There were many instances where this caused a substantial amount of confusion after hearing my name yelled aggressively in public (“MOLLY!”), followed by a directive to “heel” or “get back here right this instant!” (Curious to see where/if your name ranked? Have a .)

Peak: Not having a single same-name competitor throughout my entire schooling career. There was never a need to clarify “which Molly.” It made me feel like the Madonna of St. Dominic’s, East Camberwell.

Trough: Having the validity of my identity questioned by having to repeatedly answer: “No, it’s not actually short for anything.”

Peak: Variety of flattering musical odes: Nirvana’s “Molly’s Lips,” Little Richard’s “Good Golly Miss Molly,” and “Sweet Molly Malone” as sung by The Dubliners.

Trough: The minimal success in nickname generation throughout high school. The few self-prescribed monikers that I experimented with were wildly unsuccessful — particularly, the Gossip Girl inspired single-consonant “M.” Meanwhile, “Moldy” was a favorite amongst inter-school sport competitors. It was considerably upsetting.

Peak: The strange but strong affiliation I developed with fictional characters whose identity I resonated with. Special mention to Molly Weasley, matriarch of the wizarding world.

Trough: This lowlight is a reference to my last name O’Brien, whereby the devil-in-disguise apostrophe acts like an uncooperative little shit when making any sort of online booking. One time my reservation got straight out declined when booking a domestic flight and the subsequent furor to get through airport security was a mighty ordeal.

Peak: Receiving several free drinks when visiting Dublin due to my name being so unapologetically, hilariously, overtly Irish. (Now would be a good time to mention that I also have red hair.)

Trough: Moving to New York City for an impulsive sabbatical only to learn my name is a very popular colloquialism of the street drug MDMA. It makes for very confusing introductory conversations.

Peak: The amusing fact that Apple technology autocorrects my name to Milky. I think it’s a nickname in the making.

I have no doubt that these ups and downs will continue to accumulate and prompt me to imagine my alternate fate had my mother chosen to be a little more adventurous. But isn’t it in our DNA to wish for or wonder about the things we don’t naturally have? I guess our names are no different.

And besides, things could always be worse.

Written by Molly O’Brien