MR Round Table: Are Emojis Ruining Us?

Leandra Medine: I want to round table emojis because it’s been occurring to me more and more while I try to articulate myself that I’m having a more difficult time saying what I want to say, and I think it might be the fault of my use of emojis and umbrella words — those that have become so ubiquitous and all encompassing (e.g. “everything,” “major”) that don’t actually mean what I’m trying to say. So many misrepresented and falsely articulated emotions.

So I’m wondering: what are these shorthand forms of communication doing, number 1, to our ability to self-express and number 2, communicate?

Amelia Diamond: I think I see emojis as an interesting factor when it comes to communicating in the world of dating. I have a guy friend who has showed me entire pick up conversations on Tinder that solely involve emojis. It’s alarming that it’s possible to communicate without words. There are some languages where instead of letters, it’s characters that encompass words. But as far as communicating with straight up pictures, that’s what cavemen did.

The line of communication gets even more blurred because you’re not just wondering, what does his “hey,” or the fact that he didn’t call mean, but what does the face with the stupid tears coming out of its eyes mean when he just sends that and nothing else? Does an emoji equal a response? Is it less than a response?

Charlotte Fassler: That’s something I think about too because it can almost fill an awkward pause. But I’m a visual person, so I prefer emojis to when people were really into abbreviating words. I think those really bothered me and I’d rather see a picture.

AD: Like, “totes?”

CF: Yes, I would prefer for someone to send a thumbs up. I think that expresses more to me. Or as opposed to someone saying “OMG,” I would prefer them to send those hand emojis.

LM: But even on Instagram I notice that instead of commenting on pictures, I’ll just put out hearts or little monkeys or the hands — which I cannot even think of the word to describe — those two hands with the glow above them.

CF: Praise hands.

LM: See! Word loss. Also, it bothers me that I am not connecting with this photo because I love it for X, Y, and Z reasons. Instead I have to be like, “Praise!” and am in turn not forced to understand why I like the photo and it never comes up again. I didn’t actually draw a relationship or a connection with something. What if that becomes how I feel about everything? I find it upsetting.

AD: There was this article about how women — I think it was specifically about women —  perceive professional e-mails as “blunt.” So an e-mail without an exclamation point, or punctuated with a period as opposed to a dramatic “Thaaaaaanksssss!!” is more polarizing. I think that now the addition of an emoji to two words can be your exclamation point or extra A.

LM: But do you really want to be communicating that way?

CF: I don’t understand why people are so averse to blunt communication on e-mail. I think if you’re someone who receives a ton of e-mail and there is all this fluff surrounding the question that needs to be asked, you’d prefer if it was quick. Just, “Hey, does this day work for you?” Rather than “Heyyyyyy, it’s so nice to [emoji] [emoji]. We should really get together.” You’re reading through all of this crap just trying to get to the message. I don’t think it’s offensive, I think it’s how it should be — a blunt form of communication.

Esther Levy: E-mail generally has become much more casual. It’s almost like texting. I e-mail my friends more often than I text them. The language has changed. But with emojis, I don’t think it’s so much that they’re replacing our vocabulary as they’ve become a vocabulary in their own right. So that “praise hand” emoji is expressing something that you can’t necessarily say in words. Its best communicated with that graphic.

LM: Have you guys had similar difficulties as far as expressing yourselves?

AD: Yeah. Recently I’m like, “What’s that word for that thing that you walk on?” And someone’s like, “Your feet?” Yeah. Thanks for that word! I always thought that was by nature of the fact that we’re writing all day so our brains sort of fry out on the easiest words. I’m even having trouble speaking right now. I always thought that losing words was sort of an occupational hazard/a part of life and I think it’s going to happen regardless of emojis. I think texting and the shorthand vocabulary that follows cannot be stimulating our minds. It’s not like we’re playing Luminosity games.

EL: It’s scary because — not to sound like the premise for a really bad horror movie — before e-mail or typewriters existed people used to hand write letters, and they really had to think about what they were going to say. They weren’t going to fuck up that letter because they’d have to get new parchment paper, they’d have to dip that quill in the ink or whatever. We’ve come so far past that point. Again, not to sound apocalyptic, but are emojis soon going to be the primary form of communication? Will we not have to think about what we’re saying and how we’re saying it?

LM: Do you all use emojis?

ALL: Yes.

LM: I think that Esther touched on something interesting in that it’s becoming a language unto itself. Of course, with every cultural trend always comes the sense that there are going to be different classes and groups. There is going to be an elite class who highly intellectualize whatever the trend is; there’s going to be the common denominator who probably popularized the trend to begin with and there will be the stragglers, who just kind of  fall in between those two levels. So does emoji become this intellectual nod to communication without words? Do words become obsolete? Is that what the future looks like?

AD: Words will not become obsolete. People still play Scrabble and I think the New York Times crossword puzzle is more popular than it’s ever been. People will always have a love of words. I don’t think emojis are a replacement of words for real — in digital communication maybe.

When people used to hand-write letters to communicate, there were proper and improper ways to write a letter. I think it was Jackie Kennedy who said that you’re never supposed to begin a Thank You letter with, “Thank you.” You should begin it with something like, “What an evening!” Whereas, if you get a letter now, whether it’s written in chicken scratch or in perfect cursive, you’d be like, “Oh my god! A letter! There’s a natural ebb and flow in that what was popular will fade, and each generation kind of freaks out and wonders what is wrong with the younger generation. I think emojis are just fun.

CF: I do think that they create this easy out to not express what you’re actually feeling. To tie back to what you were saying about emojis in the world of dating, I think that people already have such a difficult time in the modern age of dating, trying to express themselves or trying to decode what someone says, and I think it’s a really shortchange way to communicate with someone you’re into. Or someone you’re not into! I think that emojis can definitely be used as a tool for avoidance.

We use emojis to communicate things that are difficult to communicate. It’s like, “I don’t know how to respond to this. I don’t actually want to think about this. I’ll send back an alien and a peace sign!”

It’s a way of commenting on something you don’t actually want to comment on.

AD: I think emojis can also connote a sense of closeness. It’s an added element that says you’re on a different level. I think texting puts you on a different level: okay you have my cellphone number, we’re on a personal level, we’re not just e-mailing, you can literally contact me at 4 am. And then with emojis, it’s like, we’re not just texting about a plan to meet for a business drink. We’re one step closer to one another. And nobody uses emojis to communicate feelings of anger. Nobody that was truly furious would send the red-faced emoji to communicate that.

LM: Maybe that’s why you think it’ll continue to be “just fun,” because people aren’t offended by emojis. I can send you a knife emoji and the assumption is not that I am attempting your murder.

It’s equivalent to sending someone a grating e-mail and then signing it off with a smiley face.

CF: If anything, emojis are useful in indicating sarcasm because that’s something that’s difficult to detect in text messages. You know, people will put a lot of one letter in a word to show exaggeration (heyyyyyy), but sometimes it’s difficult when you’re looking at straight words with no affectation to them — it’s difficult to decipher what people mean. They can sound short or angry when they’re not at all. Putting in an emoji can aid someone’s personal style when you’re using something as cut and dry as texting.

AD: Everyone says that the kiss of death is a single “k,” but if you text a “K” with a red balloon, you’re like, “Well that ‘k’ wasn’t so bad!”

LM: How long does that last though, right, as it continues to function as a language that we use? Much the same way that e-mail used to feel official but has now become a more informal way of communicating with each other.

AD: It’s similar to when hashtagging took on a life of its own and left the twittersphere and became sort of this wink wink. They almost functioned as a cover up (#sorryforselfying); they were ironic. But now you can just put two glitter signs on each side of your comment and know that the person is being completely ridiculous.

Do emojis bother you as a writer, Leandra?

LM: I certainly wouldn’t use an emoji in a story. I think that completely detracts from any sort of gravitas you’re trying to convey.

CF: I’m kind of a fan, though, in text messaging — I guess they now seem a little bit creepy — of sending the semicolon parenthesis old school smiley face.

LM: To who?

CF: A lot of people.

EL: Those do seem more genuine.

AD: It’s a vintage wink.

LM: Do you think emojis are really flirty?

CF: I think they’re kind of gendered too.

AD: They are gendered. The connotation when a girl uses one versus when a guy uses one is a total double standard. But to go back to your first point, I don’t think they’re effecting our ability to articulate ourselves any more than slang has throughout language. Slang is important because it dictates what is happening in the culture at that time; what are the trends, the cultural themes? So emojis are clearly reflective of this age.

LM: Ah, digital slang.

AD: Right, which is universal. I don’t think it’s hindering anything and I don’t think it’s blocking our ability to communicate any more than slang has.

EL: But I feel like slang is a response to what’s going on culturally. I just don’t see that with emojis.

LM: But what Esther’s saying is that they don’t hold any weight or real significance in the way that slang has. But maybe emojis do speak to the larger cultural narrative, which we can’t see because we’re so deep in it.

AD: When I think about emojis I think about the online age, and about quick, instant communication and gratification. I think that our culture is hyper-PC right now and although the joke is that emojis are in no way PC, they can be used as tools to avoid offending someone.

Maybe they’re indicative of the fact that we are becomin culturally enmeshed because of the Internet. My cousins play some soccer game on an app with kids across the world because of the Internet. Maybe they don’t speak the same language, but they can send emojis.

EL: It’s definitely a universal language in a time when everybody is so connected via the Internet.

CF: As a technological feat, emojis are pretty exciting because we did have these pretty janky smilies for so long, and once there was this whole arsenal of images and cartoons that you could use to express yourself, it was fun and exciting. The novelty hasn’t worn off yet. I don’t know what the next thing is but I definitely think it’s still fun.

EL: Talking emojis!

AD: Yeah, emojis that say words. Leandra, I remember you saying that stickers were the original emojis. The 90s are back across the board, in music and in fashion. We’re seeing a lean towards 90s pop culture; people are rollerblading again. Maybe emojis are literally indicative of our (sticker) obsession with the 90s. It’s possible.

CF: To go back to what Leandra was saying about commenting on a picture and not being able to articulate why you like or connected with it, I almost think that’s true in one regard, but I also think that emojis give me a universal method of commenting on something I otherwise wouldn’t have commented on. I maybe would engage in something that I otherwise wouldn’t.

LM: I guess I don’t understand why it’s a universal language.

AD: Emojis are universal because you don’t need to speak or read the same language to understand an emoji. A kissy-face is a kissy-face. The beer emoji means “drinks” or “cheers.”

Unrelated, I’m curious to know if emojis are something you can get bored of. A lot of slang gets annoying pretty quickly.

EL: I feel like I am getting bored of them. There are certain emojis — like the red dress fiesta girl — that piss me off. When someone sends that one, it feels like a cop out.

LM: It is a cop out. You’re sending it for everything. You’re sending it if you like something, if you just bought a red dress, if you want to dance, if you want to drink, if you’re trying to force yourself into a better mood. Emojis are becoming new forms of umbrella terms.

AD: I don’t disagree but I don’t think it’s so different from what slang did.

EL: But at least slang required you use words. You had to implement them in sentences.

AD: I consider myself such a visual person that there’s some element that’s really satisfying in a good emoji. A bad emoji can — like I said — make me not want to go on a date with someone.

CF: Using emojis in text messages as a diffuser makes things feel less harsh. I prefer sending GIFs in moments of awkwardness or trying to diffuse a conversation.

AD: Esther and I often talk about GIFs when we talk about tweets. We question whether or not we’ve uploaded too many of them on a given day. I always say no, GIFs are great, they’re interactive and people engage with them. But they are almost like an extension of the emoji.

EL: I started using emojis a year or two ago and my friends and I would send them to each other — they were almost too cutesy to not be taken ironically. Whereas now I use them appropriately and they have become a part of my vocabulary.

CF: So what do you feel like their function is when being used appropriately?

LM: Probably just as a point of punctuation, right?

EL: Right, I’m not using them on their own.

LM: My mother-in-law just texted me asking if I felt better and all I’m thinking about doing is sending her the green-faced emoji. I don’t want to say “no” but I don’t want to say “yes” either. It’s a good way of skirting the issue, of not having to answer — which actually further intellectualizes your earlier point, Charlotte, because you’re not giving an actual answer. It’s like, “I’m going to throw something out and you choose where you want it to stick.”

CF: And that’s why I think it convolutes so much with dating.

LM: I very much feel like I’m no longer a part of Generation Y — or a member of the quotient of millennial life that the world is still being built for.

AD: In terms of dating?

LM: I have zero experience with dating apps and zero experience with the way emojis can potentially ruin a relationship. I just can’t be part of that conversation.

AD: So put it in friend context. What if you were in a fight with a friend and they sent you an emoji in the middle of it, wouldn’t that frustrate you?

LM: No, because I’m such an easy going person that I feel like all I would want is for someone to send me an emoji in the middle of a conversation. I’m confrontational, certainly, but I don’t like to fight. I just like nipping issues in the bud.

AD: So if someone sent you an emoji would you take that as a white flag?

LM: Absolutely. I think that goes back to the point we were making earlier; emojis cannot be taken seriously. Maybe that’s why they can’t become their own language and when they do it’s going to really conflate our perceptions of safe places and unsafe places.

AD: I’m thinking about the conversation we had with Stella about anonymous commenters, and about people who are so brave behind their avatars — it’s almost the same way here. You can be brave behind your emoji because you don’t have to say it. Nobody can actually misquote you with an emoji, you can retort that, “Oh that’s not what I meant.”

LM: Right. You can’t be misquoted yet. I guess we just have to wait and see who kills who.