How to fall in love

There was a great article this past week published in the New York Times about a study done to figure out if people can be made to fall in love. It got me thinking, as a romance writer, how I get people to fall in love in my books.

There are a number of ways and reasons why people fall in love, so many metrics, if you will. Here are a few I’ve found to be interesting and useful to use as I write my books:

A compelling reason why two people should NOT fall in love—opposites attract and/or some of us are just rebels at heart.

                The concept is that if there a very good reasons why two people should not fall in love—family, culture, society, or just because they have so little in common—is enough to make them really try and see if it couldn’t work anyway. Some people are just rebels who need to try things because they’ve been told that it won’t work or it isn’t right. In my opinion, that’s enough to make two people fall in love.

Giving something up.

                This is more a way to solidify a relationship than a way to build one, but if someone has to give something up to be with another person, something meaningful and important to that person, they’re much more likely to take the relationship seriously and really try to make it work. It builds a deeper bond.

See/understand/love someone’s essence (as defined by Michael Hauge as a person’s true self after you strip away the faces they wear in public: something that many of us don’t even see in ourselves because we get too caught up in believing in the face we show to the public) and loving and respecting that person.

                This is one of those things that can make for a really deep, moving story. The example Hauge uses to teach this concept is the movie Good Will Hunting. In it, Will doesn’t recognize his own potential because he’s been told by his father that he’s stupid. It takes some really deep, painful thinking and therapy (with the wonderful Robin Williams) for Will to recognize his potential and who he truly is. It is that person, the potential Will that the heroine falls in love with. It is his essence. It makes for a deep, wonderful and true love.

Thirty-seven questions. These are the questions created and proposed by the researchers spoken about in the NYT article I began this blog with.

                The concept here is that you sit down with someone to ask and answer 37 prescribed questions that get deeper and more personal as you go down the list. The reporter who actually went through all the questions with another person said that she not only learned a lot about the person she was exchanging answers with, but learned a lot about herself as well. Once the questions are completed, the two people stare into each others eyes for four minutes. Yes, a full four minutes. It’s a really, really long time to stare at someone and not say anything. The funny thing… it worked.

I wish I had a fifth option to write down here. Five would be a lovely number for a list. I suppose number five should be:

Why the hell not? Serendipity! Love at first sight! Pheromones, anyone?

                Of course, this is the one way for two people to fall in love and then quickly realize that they’ve made a mistake and later get divorced. It don’t think that falling in love at first sight or just for the hell of it makes for a strong relationship. You might disagree, and please feel free to tell me so! The argument for a chemical reaction is a good one, and I’d go with that because we are just big sacks of chemicals, liquid and bone trying to keep our species alive and healthy, but it’s not exactly romantic.

                The thing is, no one knows what makes people fall in love, it’s why we love reading romance novels—to explore how we fall in love and celebrate it. So, what do you think? Can you add to my list? Do you use any one of these techniques when you write? Do you prefer reading books that use one more than any other?

 

The good news here is that very, very soon you’ll be able to read nine stories about people falling in love in the new anthology Love Least Expected (in which I have a story). It’ll be out in just a few weeks on February 3rd and you can pre-order it today (clicking the book cover will take you to Amazon, but it’s available at every on-line retailer).

                The bad news is that, due to unforeseen circumstances, I think I’m going to have to push back the publication date of Bridging the Storm to later in March (I’d been hoping for the end of February). But keep your eyes open for news about it, coming to a computer monitor near you very soon!