Excerpt: Uncensored (Chapter One)

                                   
                         CHAPTER ONE

“You’re gonna go blind if you keep reading that, you know,” I hear Kylie say, her tone a mixture of amusement and something else I can’t quite pin-point.
My mouth is suspended over the transparent straw in my glass, my lips slightly parted as they hover absently over my neglected drink.
She keeps talking, and I hear everything she’s saying, but my eyes are glued to the wrinkled letter in my hands, roaming over the typed words again and again; words that have become very, very familiar, so much so that I’ve memorized each and every one.
The words are familiar because I’ve read them before, several times, in fact, and probably way too many according to some people—including my best friend, Kylie.
It’s an acceptance letter for an internship with one of the most prestigious environmental consulting companies in the country, even if the letter doesn’t currently look prestigious itself. In just three short days, it’s gone from its original crisp and immaculate appearance to being worn and wrinkled with a few fingerprint stains and a small tear at the bottom.
Maybe I have read it too many times, but it’s not like I can help myself.
“I still can't believe I got picked,” I murmur, mostly to myself, but I'm pretty sure Kylie can hear me.
My eyes travel upwards for a moment, locking on to the ice floating in my citrus green tea and zoning in on the transparent cubes as they swim adjacent to and on top of each other in the yellow-green liquid.
I poke absently at one of them with the straw, submerging it completely for a few seconds before it finds its way up from under the pressure I'm putting on it. I do the same thing to another ice cube. And then another, until I'm not even sure what exactly I'm doing anymore.
I can't seem to keep still. I have so much nervous energy right now, and I desperately need to expend some of it.
I start swirling the glass, and the light chiming sound of ice against glass fills the air sporadically. At one point, I swirl it a bit too fast, and some of my tea spills over. It almost gets on my phone and the letter, but Kylie saves the day and swipes them both away just in the nick of  time.
I think she saw it coming, but then again, she's always had really good reflexes, and being a former athlete only adds to her agility.
“Shit…thanks,” I say with an apologetic look. She stares at me for a moment, and when she doesn't look away, I can't stop myself from asking, “What?”
Without a word, she motions towards the table with her eyes and looks back at me again. I look down to where she had to find my fingers drumming restlessly against the table, tapping away furiously at the grainy wood with no particular rhythm.
“Wow, you really are nervous about this,” she says, hints of worry creeping into her big, doe-like eyes. She takes a sip of her coffee before she adds, “You've been wanting this forever, Reaux. What are you so worried about?”
I shake my head. “I'm not nervous, I'm just…”
Well, I'm not entirely sure what I am, to be honest. My feelings are definitely mixed and all over the place right now, and my mind is sort of on its own speedometer, going a million miles a second as too many thoughts struggle to go through it at once.
I shrug. “I dunno. I think I'm just still kind of in shock that it's finally happening after all this time, you know?”
Kylie nods solemnly. “Yeah, I know.” She lowers her eyes and taps absently at the handle of her cup, and I can tell she's hesitating, almost as if she's unsure of what to say next. But then she looks up again and grins at me, and pretty soon, her grin is spreading into a full-fledged smile.
Typical Kylie Baxter.
Kyles has one of those smiles that can light up an entire football stadium. Seriously. Plus, she smiles as naturally and effortlessly as she breathes. It's one of the things that makes her so approachable and likeable, and definitely one of the things that make guys fawn over her like kids fawn over candy at Halloween. She never has issues meeting new people and making new friends.
Unfortunately, I can't exactly say the same for myself.
“I’ve said it before but it deserves repeating; I'm really proud of you, Reaux,” she says, with her sweet, heart-warming smile splayed lovingly across her face. “You deserve this more than anyone.”
My throat tightens at hearing the way she commends me, at how she always supports me, and I just want to reach across the table and give her the biggest hug in the world, but a heavy feeling quickly settles in my gut and makes me stay put. “Thanks, Kyles,” I say with a bit of a strain. I manage to give her a small smile back, and all of a sudden, the threat of tears sting me from behind my eyes. Her words touch me deeper than I realize, and I can't help feeling emotional.
Kylie is the only person who really knows me from A to Z. She’s also the only person who knows everything I've been through these last five years in particular, and all the crap I've had to deal with in order to get to this very moment.
I’m just about to begin my last semester of college, and I can’t imagine a better way to end my university career than getting accepted into the internship program at EcoDiverse, which is no small feat, I can assure you.
It's been four long and angst-filled months of constant waiting, doubting, and keeping my fingers crossed for that acceptance letter.
Every single year, there are well over a hundred and fifty seniors who desperately want and fight incredibly hard for the coveted spot at the prestigious environmental consulting firm, and this year has been no different.
So, when I finally received it in the mail three days ago, I had all but jumped out of my skin, and I've been completely restless ever since. I had struggled—with quite a bit of difficulty, I must admit—to contain my excitement as I broke the envelope’s seal, unfolded the letter, and read the ultimate words of acceptance addressed to me on the formal paper, especially since each and every one of my classmates had been hoping it would be their names on the sealed envelope.
I honestly didn't think I'd be this excited if I got it, but I am. I really, really am.
I know some of my classmates will be happy for me, but I also know that quite a few of them are going to feel more than a little salty about the outcome. But I can't say I’d blame them for feeling that way.
After all, it's common knowledge that EcoDive turns lowly interns into people who can pick whichever high paying job they want after graduating. There's even a rumor floating around about the last intern, who apparently was offered a position with, not one, but twelve of the Fortune 500 companies.          So, of course, as soon as I got the good news—and once I was done screaming and jumping up and down in front of my mailbox like a crazy person—I accepted their offer right away. I start tomorrow, and I swear I can’t wait!
But I’m not doing it because I want the money that the experience will eventually earn me, nor the boasting rights that I can now toss in the faces of my family members—who were all very vocal about the fact that switching from pre-med was the biggest mistake of my young life.
No, it's none of those things, really.
As pathetic as it sounds, the main reason why I jumped at the chance to work for EcoDiverse, the "holy grail" of environmental consultant internships, is because I genuinely want to save the world.
Yes, yes, I know that may sound really lame, and yes, I know it definitely sounds cheesy as hell, but it’s the truth.
While most people my age are doing their best to party as much as humanly possible before the real world begins breathing down their necks, sleep with as many people as they can, and come up with new and inventive ways to beat the common hangover, I'm busy trying to figure out ways to stop the premature melting of the polar ice caps, raising awareness about endangered animal species, and organizing rallies against offshore drilling.
As a result, I’m the one in class who always has the opinions, rarely drinks anything stronger than a cup of coffee, and has never had sex.          But before you get all judgmental and draw up the conclusion that I must be some sort of uptight prude, or really, really awkward around guys, let me just say right now, that I'm not. And it's not that I haven't had the opportunity to make love before, either.
In fact, there have been more than a few times throughout my undergraduate career when I probably could have finally lost my virginity to some random guy who I'd met on campus.
The issue is, that's just not who I am.
I’m not the girl who slips into bed with the first boy who comes along. It's not that I’m waiting for marriage, despite the fact that my father—who’s as Catholic as they come—has made it very clear on several occasions that he’ll disown me if I "let myself be compromised" before walking down the aisle at our church.          The simple truth of the matter is that it just hasn’t happened for me.
At least not yet.
There haven't been any lusty encounters in dark movie theaters or gentle hand brushing in the lecture hallway that escalated into full-blown steamy bathroom sex episodes, much like I'd read about in my roommate's stash of erotic romance novels.
As hard as it may be to believe, nothing particularly sensual had ever entered into the equation during all my years in college, even though there were times when I would have loved to have felt the firm grasp of a hand or a warm, velvety tongue on my body.
But whenever these kinds of thoughts linger in my head, the shame of them always send me further into my studies, and as usual, I tuck the deep, mingling desires into the far back of my mind.
A girl who was raised in a strict Catholic home like I was shouldn't be dreaming about thrusting hips or quivering lips.
Well…at least that's what I've always been told.
My eyes go back to the acceptance letter once more.I've read it eighty-three times since I got it, and when I get back to my dorm, I'm probably going to read it again. It may seem obsessive or narcissistic that I keep doing it, and who knows, maybe on some level, it is. But again, I can't help myself.
This acceptance letter means so much more to me than just a chance to gain some experience with a renowned company. It's a sign that, for once, my life is actually going the way I want it to go, that things are turning out just how I want them to.
It symbolizes years of effort and patience and tolerance and denying myself what I really want finally paying off. It symbolizes everything I've been wanting for a very long time now; a physical sign that I'm taking a huge and critical step in the right direction…finally.