To Keep You Busy Before Work’s Out

If this were a pizza pie, made up of five slices, here’s what each individual ration would offer.

Slice 1: News of Naomi Campbell’s recent campaign as Agent Provocateur’s “femme fatale,” as they put it. Shot by Ellen von Unwerth, Campbell plays the female protagonist in a photo essay modeled after David Lynch’s The Lost Highway and Brian de Palma’s Body Double. Of course, she wears saucy lingerie and, I don’t know, blurs the boundaries of youth? Why does Naomi Campbell still look 25? I’m throwing this slice back into the pie.

Slice 2: This portion is rich media! Technology, man. Even pizza isn’t safe — Jenny Slate performed Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide” on Conan in Marcel the Shell’s voice, which I am sure you have somehow already heard but in the event you haven’t, I’m glad you got it from here. When someone asks, don’t say “I got it from my mama.”

Slice 3: This one is vaguely expensive but if you’re out of things to do and still have at least two hours of time to bide before you can blow your corporate popsicle stand, consider Moda Operandi’s bi-annual 70% off sale OR SSENSE’s version of the same thing. I would love these Tabitha Simmons pumps, or push on the same pressure point with these Valentino short heels that I already basically own. What is it with women and buying/rebuying the same things over and over? Or is that just a function of my being a grisly consumer?

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Slice 4: If you can believe it, pizza can be a very locutionary delicacy and today’s word is “osculate” which, SPOILER ALERT! means to kiss. Place that in your back pocket and pull it out under the mistletoe.

And finally, slice 5 has this to share: Annie opens tomorrow.

Will anyone see what Rolling Stone is calling an “ill-advised update” on the Broadway classic?