Learn from Caustic Colleagues

We all have someone who’s an inspiration to us. Some we may know in our day-to-day life, and others may be outside of our immediate circle, such as public figures, humanitarians and famed gurus. There are others however, who may serve as inspiration in unexpected ways. Maybe a colleague’s caustic personality always rubbed you the wrong way, but after hearing her talk about painstakingly caring for a sick relative, you developed a better understanding for the “rough around the edges” exterior. 

Today, I encourage you to think about those in your life whose presence led to a poignant lesson, burst of motivation, or call to be a kinder, more patient “you.”  During this holiday season, take some time to reflect on the ways these individuals have provided intangible “gifts.” You may not have even considered them as such until this moment. Below is a list of some of the types of “unexpected inspirations” you may have encountered. 

The Pesky Mother-in-Law

She may look at you with only the most disapproving of gazes, while silently criticizing your apple pie, home décor, and choice of family doctor. Sure, it may be tough to be around her, but think about the lessons these interactions may be teaching you: remember that being nonjudgmental and accepting, even when you think the other person doesn’t accept you, can be a gift. When you use the opportunity to “extend the olive branch,” you are standing in your power by not allowing the actions of another to compromise your own feelings of self-worth.

Taken from another perspective, remember this is a person who raised your partner. There are many things about your partner you love, admire, and appreciate. Take some time to discover which of those qualities he or she may have learned from dear ‘ol mom. How surprising would it be if the woman you see as disapproving and unrelenting gave your partner an appreciation for multi-ethnic cuisine or a sensitivity towards feminism?  How have those foundations helped shape your relationship? Will you begin to feel gratitude where you may have felt anger or disappointment? 

Differing Moral Codes

Whether you’re guided by religious morals or your own personal code of ethics, chances are there are times when you need to deal with individuals who go against your moral code. Let’s say you’re staunchly against premarital sex, and the checkout clerk at the supermarket is an unwed, pregnant teen. You’ve been judging her in your mind as you wait your turn, and just as you are about to scoff, you realize she has been fervently refusing to sell cigarettes to every minor who has tried to get one by her. 

You may not agree with her lifestyle choices, but in the moment perhaps you become aware that she is living in integrity and standing by her principles. Perhaps it becomes easier to see that those who live with a different code of ethics still have principles, some of which may be in line with yours. Maybe it’s a reminder to take inventory of your own moral code and make sure everything is in order. 

The Gossip

You avoid being in the restroom at the same time as her, just so you won’t have to engage in conversation. Lunchtime chatter is always about another colleague’s latest romantic screw-up, or who’s line for the next promotion (and why— wink, wink). She’s usually fun to talk to, but there’s just something about every conversation that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable. 

Even as you avoid her, identify how you might be able to feel a sense of gratitude in the situation. Perhaps she is showing you how you don’t want to be. Maybe the “lesson” is to find your voice and address issues outright. Speak to her (in a calm and open manner) about her actions and why they make you uncomfortable. Can you feel the difference once you’ve cleared the air? Identify other areas of your life where you can do the same. 

These are only examples. The point is to review how your encounters with individuals can serve as pivot points for rectifying misconceptions, rethinking situations, and finding greater harmony, patience, and balance in your life. You may even be inclined to send a “thank you” to your source of unexpected inspiration! 

--Victoria Crispo, Dec 2014 Career Coach