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Ask lunaKM – When stress increases my submissive drive crashes, help!

Dear lunaKM,

I’m fairly new to the lifestyle and Master is quite experienced. I enjoy everything that we’ve done and look forward to more. Until I met Master, I didn’t know I was submissive so this is a whole new world. I haven’t had any issues with following his rules and have been very obedient. I love the structure this has provided for my once crazy life. But, there are times when I seem to fall apart. When my stress level hits a peak I break down. I was just curious if this is something that other subs go through? If so, what have they found that seems to work? I’ve always had this problem, but now my break downs are much further apart and not as dramatic. Master and I feel that more structure could potentially help, but he is worried that I might rebel if given too much too fast, and I’ve not been punished for anything yet due to Master easing me into the life.

Dear stressed sub,

Everyone, Dominants and submissives included, go through times that the stress gets to be the one focus and everything else seems to fall away. Learning how to manage yourself through the stress is a big challenge but once managed can help you keep stress from tearing you apart and making you break down. 13 Tips for Managing Stress can help you learn how to manage the situation that is causing your stress. Once you can understand the stress you can begin to learn to keep your head in a submissive state and not break down as often.

Your partner may have it right for you. If he sees structure as helping direct the chaos of stress and channel it into positive things than adding more structure could be a long-term solution. I’ve often advised others not to drop the D/s during stressful situations, but rather keep it strong and forefront as much as possible. It’s a positive solid thing in your life and the stress is not. You want to surround yourself with comforts and maintaining the D/s dynamic can help keep your head in the game and give you the mental tools to work on the stress together.

I don’t manage stress well. It tends to manifest into physical conditions like headaches, stomach ages and intense fatigue. But I know that what helps me get through is knowing that KnyghtMare still expects me to do what he’s asked and that the duties he’s assigned me must still be accomplished. Sometimes it’s the escape I need to really see the stressful situation for what it is and work through it, bit by bit.

I wish you luck.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

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