The Twenty Four Hour Woman is “All of Us”

It has become one of those Internet “things” to declare a singular figure as “all of us.” (See: “Local News Anchor Jamming to T.I. Is All of Us,” via Mashable, and, “This Raccoon Is All of Us on a Diet,” via BuzzFeed.)

To declare that someone/a raccoon is “all of us” is quite the sweeping generalization, not to mention it places a large responsibility on the giant, (hopefully properly ventilated) head of the declared mascot. I am almost 97% sure that a raccoon would never submit his resume for such a job. Likewise, I am 97% sure that the majority of “all of us” would not, surprisingly, enjoy being compared to a rabid marsupial*.

I mention my reservations to you about this because it’s important that you understand I don’t just run around with a baton all willy nilly and declare unsuspecting owls as being poster birds for the entire population of weed consumers, nor do I randomly assign French Bulldogs to head the board of Those Who Are Clumsy, all for the sake of jumping on the bandwagon of a verbal meme.

It is with this information that I pray you understand the gravitas of the following sentence:

The Twenty Four Hour (permanently naked and joyously-mulleted) Woman in the slideshow above is, in fact, all of us.

And if she is not, then I don’t even know who we are anymore.

Illustrated by Scott Lenhardt (who is either a spy or a brilliant observer of our daily lives, same thing), the calendar is available here for the year 2015. Not to toot my own buffalo but it makes a killer holiday gift — mom, friends, all of you, this is what you’re getting this year.

[Twenty Four Hour Woman by Scott Lenhardt]

*I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not raccoons are marsupials because I am fairly certain I once read they are actually aliens.