CarrollBlog 11.1

The Too Much

by Christa Bell

I

Couldn't have been more beautiful

Than I was last night.

I couldn't have been sexier,

Juicier,

Or more luscious.

My ass couldn't have been bigger

Or glowed more brightly.

My teeth couldn't have been whiter,

Skin softer,

Hair shinier.

I couldn't have smelled any sweeter,

Been nicer,

Skinnier,

Funnier,

Or more holy.

And still I was not enough

For you.

'Not enough,'

My friends tell me,

Will never be my issue.

They say it's 'the too much'

That leaves lovers like me

Strangled by our own question marks.

You see—

Some women love lightly,

Like whispers wrapped in spun sugar.

And these are the ones who make it so hard

For the blue-black molasses

Ever-lasting taffy kind of love

That overwhelms the tongue.

They make it hard for those of us who,

Due to circumstances beyond our control,

Are destined to always

Over-love with a vengeance.

We are the spell-casting blue magic witches,

Mixing menstrual fluid into barbeque sauce.

We will gather your pubic hairs under the new moon

And bottle them in our piss.

Our territory is blood and dreams,

Past lives and other states over which

You have no control.

Be warned: you will lose all control.

So if you really need to keep it,

If you can't keep it real,

If intensity and complexity

Just ain't your thing,

If you can't handle the truth,

Then brethren—fuck you.

'Cause in this house of worship

There is no room for emotions

That judge and demand regret

For our pleasure.

If forty-eight hours later was too soon

For you to be in my mouth,

Than you shouldn't have come there.

But don't you tell me it's my fault.

Every way I am is divine.

I won't feel guilty.

I just won't be ashamed.

I will not hide this story.

My craft obligates me to tell the truth.

And, brothers, y'all need to know:

If too much sugar makes you sick,

Spoils your appetite for even the smell of dinner,

There are certain flavors of women

You should not consume.

'Cause tasting even a little bit

Of what you know you can't swallow

Is

Just

Disrespectful.