Jonathan Carroll's Blog

The Dogs of War — Ukraine

The Dogs of War — Ukraine

From a friend in Poland:

“My friend from Kiev, Lyudmyla Dyachenko, who doesn’t want to leave the city for anything in the world, wrote something about Ukrainian women:

A dog shelter today in the suburbs of the Sumy city. A car pulls up. A lady gets out and says: A huge Husky was wandering not far from the city. I think her owner abandoned her. The dog was looking a bit sad and was a bit aggressive. I felt sorry for her so I ran across the field to catch the poor dog. Take ...

Funny for hire

cover illustration by Ryder Carroll

Many years ago I met a famous comedian who liked the humor in my books. They asked if I had ever considered writing for a comedian. I said no. But curious, I asked what they paid. It was negotiable, but around three hundred dollars a minute, which at the time was A LOT. I was taken aback by what sounded like very serious money. The comedian smiled and said “Hold on.” Looking at their watch, they held up a finger for me to wait. After a very very VERY long silen...

Once Upon Your Time

Someone told me a story they’d heard from someone else, so who knows if it is true. But the idea of it keeps rolling around in my mind like a marble in a clothes dryer:
A woman was in a new great relationship with an extremely handsome man. Handsome like movie star handsome, like take-your-breath-away handsome. It had been going on for a while when she asked to see pictures of him when he was a boy. Amused, her guy said sure and a few days later brought a bunch of old snapshots of himself. Deligh...

My Sandwich — a love story

My Sandwich — a love story

On the subway there’s a couple that won’t stop kissing. They’re standing by the door, dining on each other. Kiss/smile/ kiss/ smile — it’s kind of sweet but kind of annoying too because they’re so close by that it’s hard not to watch them. Kiss/smile/ kiss/ loooong devouring looks, etc. The train makes three or four stops while they only have eyes and lips for each other. But if you look closely (it’s almost impossible NOT to look), the bigger love is coming more from t...

Finding Your Cup — a commencement address

Finding Your Cup — a commencement address

Once upon a time, my young son and I were contentedly chewing pieces of bubblegum. Without thinking, I blew a big bubble. He looked at me as if I’d pulled a rabbit out of my hat and asked how I’d done that.
“Simple– flatten the gum against the top of your mouth like this.” Being a schoolteacher, I cleverly demonstrated how to flatten your gum and he got that far. But then the trouble began. “Now, stick your tongue halfway through the flat piece like this…...

Romancing the Crab

Her girlfriend ask why she broke up with him.

Smiling, she said ‘Because I realized being with him was like eating crab: It takes a lot of effort to get to the meat. After a while you start asking yourself do I really like crab enough to want to work this hard just to get little bites? Maybe if he had been one of those giant Alaskan king crabs it would have been different. He wasn’t.’

Romancing the Crab was originally published in Jonathan Carroll on Medium, where people are continuing the convers...

An Unread Diary

Sometimes unread books on a shelf are as good as a diary entry to jog the memory. You look at the spine of a novel you bought twenty years ago at the Strand bookstore in New York. Remember you were with so and so that day. You hadn’t seen them for a long time. They didn’t want to go to the store but did you a favor when you said you only needed a few minutes to see if that book was there. You’d read very positive reviews. Later you had good pastrami sandwiches for lunch and talked about…

You’ve n...

The True You

The beautiful woman running to catch the bus. She looks wonderful — chic clothes flying, her hair all over the place, a kid’s smile on her face from ear to ear. Will she make it? It’s going to be close. I think she even has her tongue sticking outside her mouth a bit, like a girl trying her damndest to win a race in fourth grade.
But as soon as she steps on the bus everything changes. Her cool returns, her hauteur. The humor goes away, the naked joy. Her face is only beautiful again. I wonder if ...

A Moment Later

Carefully watch the look on peoples’ faces one moment after they say goodbye to each other. That first look “alone” tells you a lot about the dynamic of their relationship. The hand holding couple kissing goodbye then walking off in different directions: the man’s expression is all happily in love. He misses her already. But the woman’s look is pure relief– you can plainly see she’s glad to be by herself once more. The boy and his mother saying goodbye. She takes two steps away, then looks over ...

Maybe

photo by Izabelaken

In the beginning of their relationship, both proceeded as if they had entered a very dark room and were sliding their hands hesitantly up and down all the walls feeling for a light switch, while at the same time afraid that they might touch something sharp or dangerous. But from the minute they met, there was absolutely no game playing between them because they had had enough of that in their lives. They were eager to get to the heart of this matter. Both wanted to reach the p...