Rules For Befriending Writers

I say this only semi-jokingly: writers are people, too.  If you wouldn’t want your writer (or painter, or sculptor) friend making these cracks about your job in IT, don’t make them in return.  There aren’t “different standards” for your friend’s job, or indeed for your friend, because you take it–or them–less seriously.  Treat others how you want to be treated.  And with that in mind…

Don’t ask invasive questions about money.  Again, unless you’re open to the same hit parade of “are you sure you’ve made a reasonable choice?”-type questions directed at you.  Don’t ask your friend how, or if, he can pay his bills.  Don’t put him in the “guilty until proven innocent” position of assuming that he’s a complete and utter incompetent, and an irresponsible fool, unless he shows you his tax returns.  You’re not a bank.  He’s not coming to you for a mortgage.  You’re not superior to him, and you’re not his keeper.  Acting like you are is a really quick way to ruin a friendship.
Don’t go out of your way to tell him his books stink.  You don’t need to go out of your way to read them, either.  Most people, at least in my experience, don’t seem to read their friends’ books.  But every time a new book comes out isn’t an opportunity to lecture your friend on why a) you don’t like to read, b) some other author writes better books, which you enjoy more or c) your friend is a talentless hack.
Don’t be surprised, when your friend isn’t pleased.  There’s an alarming trend, among a certain segment of the population, of treating other people in ways you absolutely would not tolerate being treated and then flaming them when they, too, aren’t charmed.  A person who reacts the same way you would if placed in the same situation isn’t being “oversensitive” or “a bitch.”
Don’t make your friend your therapist (or make assumptions about them).  It’s great if you’re inspired by someone.  Tell them that.  But don’t tell them, especially in repeated sessions where each session lasts for hours at a time, about how much you hate your own life and how they “couldn’t possibly understand.”  Guess what: they could.  Choosing to quit your day job and write full time isn’t “easy.”  It isn’t a spur of the moment decision but, rather, one that involves careful planning–usually over the course of years.  I can’t tell you how many people have, under the guise of asking me for advice, lectured me on what I’d supposedly done to get where I am.  And all the hardships I apparently hadn’t suffered.  I’m a real person, too; all of us are.  And none of us need to be made out to be something we’re not, to make other people feel better about themselves.
Don’t, either, make assumptions about how much free time they have.  Writing is not “easy.”  It’s a job.  Don’t assume that your friend has unlimited free time, because you don’t understand what goes into making a book.  Anyone, at any job, who takes any job seriously isn’t going to have time in the middle of the workday to just do whatever.  And you shouldn’t reprimand them–or, again, anyone–for being “selfish” that they want to get out there and earn a living.
Don’t dismiss that this is, indeed, a job.  It’s a fun job, but it’s still a job.  The same rules apply, here, as to any job.
Don’t leave nasty reviews on Amazon, and expect them to “understand.”  Yes, bad reviews happen.  Yes, they’re a part of life.  But if you’re a good enough friend–of anyone–that you expect them to understand anything at all, or think that any level of honesty is appropriate between you, you’re a good enough friend to address your complains in private.  Waiting to share your complaints until you have a public forum is the equivalent of waiting until your friend’s wedding to tell her that her dress is hideous and makes her look fat.  Even if you think that, why share?  And why now, of all times?  And why in this forum?  She may, indeed, look fat.  She may be hideous.  But if you expect to stay friends with her, you need to realize that this is a bum thing to do.

So, readers, have I missed anything?

What’s the worst thing that a non-writing friend has said (or done) to you?