A Different Kind of Bag Lady

A panic tends to set in during this time for three reasons:

1) You suddenly realize you should probably be thinking about the gifts you’re going to buy this holiday season, since last year your family made you sign an official document that stated you would no longer wrap macaroni-made I-OWE-Us with newspaper and festive glitter bombs that ruined everyone’s outfit for the rest of the day.

2) You suddenly realize that while your current wardrobe may be doing just fine thanks to the freezing cold air that the upcoming winter is blowing on in like a sudden off-Broadway revival of your wardrobe’s wintry greatest hits (CABLE KNITS ARE HEADLINING MOTHA FUCKA!), your bag situation is kind of stale.

3) No money. Similar to a game I like to play when a guy goes dark and stops asking me out (called “Gay or Dead?” — equally as fun as “Prada or Nickelback?”), I often find myself in frequent rounds of Where Did All My Money Go with your host, Alex Trebek! I am very good at this game.

But still, because of #1 Gift Season and #2 Stale Bag Syndrome, it’s easy to ignore #3 (push that right on under the carpet for now, spring cleaning isn’t mandatory for a while) and carry on bravely like the good shopper you are.

If, that is, you have a little guidance. And so, in the name of friendship, subtle hints and a female need for us to carry our lockers either on our backs or under our arms, may I suggest a few quality, won’t-die-on-you bags for you to give or get without feeling as though you need to begin harvesting your body hair just in case you have to start a wig business to pay rent.

Hmm?

If you need a substantial tote that can go from the office to a holiday party where everyone will be wearing really fabulous lamps on their head

Try the Petra Market by Everlane, $365, which is a serious steal if you consider that a bag like this would typically go for $1000 or more plus your soul. (This one, which is a bit smaller and more upright, goes for $325)

If you need a backpack because you ride your bike everywhere, but don’t want everyone to be like, “HEY I REMEMBER KINDERGARTEN” and would prefer them to say, “Whoa, can I copy you ya chic freak?”

Try this striped dude (that can also transition into a top-handle bucket bag), $110, by Proper Assembly.

If you need an evening clutch that is also a day clutch in a gorgeous color that can also act as a centerpiece just in case someone (Arthur. Tom. Good lord you two, get it together) forgets the wild cranberries…

Try this clutch (hand-painted by Argentinian designers), $175, by Auster — a brand with a very cool backstory.

And if you need a shoulder bag that is your every-damn-day purse that makes you feel like a proper lady but also, like someone who no longer needs to resort to macaroni I-OWE-Us (although you would not be averse to glitter bombs should the moment strike…)

Try this leather satchel $340, by +YMC. (Keep that glitter in a plastic baggy inside of it just in case.)