Show, don't tell

One of the founding principles of good writing is show, don't tell. People want to use their imagination not just have you tell them what to think. In the Rome's Revolution series, I have tried to follow this golden rule with greater or lesser success. However, there are times when I amuse even myself with a clever way of doing just that.

For example, yesterday, I showed you how the Overmind flexed its mental muscles and committed to proving to Rome it was boss. The problem was it didn't realize it had already been bumped from its position of power. Oh, it blustered all right:

     “I will push harder. I will break you,” the Overmind said. “I will control your thoughts.”
     “You cannot. I control my own thoughts,” Rome said defiantly.
     “Then I will remove you. I do not want you as part of me.”
     “Cesdiud?” Rome thought. “I have already done that once. I am not interested.”
     “It is not up to you. You will be Cesdiud again. I will cast you out.”
     “No you will not,” Rome thought. “I will not allow it.”
     “Who are you to tell me what can and cannot be?”
     “I will demonstrate,” thought Rome. “Let me show you a trick.”
     “What are you…” the Overmind was cut short.
     Rome imagined a wall inside her head. It was exactly the same as the one she had practiced on during their long journey to Deucado. She took her “real” self and pulled it back safe and sound behind the wall. She allowed less and less of her connection from the Overmind to remain until it was down to the merest thread. In her dreamlike state, she imagined a large clock and watched its hands tick off ten seconds. Then she opened up the wall just a crack and made the connection again.

See what I did there? I didn't want to just tell you that ten seconds ran by so I invented a mental clock so I could show you. Am I clever or what?

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