Mars Day 32: Convictims

“Sir, I beg to report that our country has a drug problem.”

What sort of a problem is that Ablo?”

“People are abusing dangerous drugs in record numbers. Kids are killing each other in the streets over drug debts and territory. There are drive-by snow-ballings every day. Don’t you watch the news?”

No Ablo, I don’t watch the news. They keep saying bad things about me. But Ablo my boy, this drug thing is not a problem…it’s an opportunity!

“How is that sir?”

We’ll use it in our campaign. We’ll come up with a clever slogan like “Just Say No” to drugs of course.

“That ought to work. Slogans are a great deterrent sir.”

Glad you agree. And we’ll put people in jail if we catch them with drugs.

“You mean dealing drugs…right sir?”

No, Ablo, we’ll put them in jail for using drugs. That should put a stop to it.

“But aren’t the drug users really the victims here?”

They won’t be victims once they’re in jail. They’ll be con-victims…ha ha ha…get it…convicts…con-victims?

“So you’re suggesting that we put the victims in jail…to discourage them from feeding their addictions…then we slap them with a felony so that they can never get a job…and we house them and feed them for free?”

That’s a wonderful idea Ablo…why didn’t I think of that? I really like this felony thing. It’s good to permanently label these con-victims so that we don’t accidentally hire them.

“But sir…most of the politicians in office today have admitted to or been convicted of drug abuse.”

When will you learn, Ablo, that politicians are a different breed. We don’t follow rules…we just make them.

“I’m glad you have such strong Con-victions sir…get it…convict…Convictions?”

Very funny Ablo.

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