Does Stephenie Meyer Have To Deal With This?

Sometimes, in my less charitable moments, I wonder that.

Does she have ex-Mormons crawling out of the woodwork to tell her what an idiot she is, based on nothing more than the fact of her being in the church?  Does it hurt her feelings, when complete strangers make assumptions about her and, on the basis of those assumptions, call her an idiot?  Or worse?  Or when, however polite they are they, without bothering to get to know her, come to her and expect her to justify her beliefs?  On Twitter?  In the middle of a Saturday afternoon?

Is this normative behavior?

Right now, I’m speaking to all the ex-Mormons out there: I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience.  I truly am.  No one deserves to be made to feel badly about themselves, for their beliefs.  For doing whatever they feel, in their heart of hearts, that they have to do to be true to themselves.  But holding me, or anyone, accountable for what “members” have done isn’t solving anything.  Nor will it ever.  Treating others with the same hurtful disregard for their individuality that you, yourself have experienced isn’t the kind of “paying it forward” that makes the world a better place.

Expecting me, someone who doesn’t know you from Adam, to share my most personal and private details–which is what justifying one’s faith amounts to–is counter-productive.  If you don’t want people doing that to you, and I know you don’t, then don’t do it to me.  Or anyone else.  Moreover, holding me accountable for the actions of a third party is…the nicest descriptor is illogical.  I’m not that person, and engaging in any kind of dialogue with me can’t make up for what was done to you.

Neither will robbing me of my faith, as seems to be the main objective in these interchanges, rebalance some invisible scale.  It’s not people’s stated religious beliefs–in any church–that causes them to be jackasses but, rather, the failings of human nature that at times cause us all to be jackasses.  This church does, in fact, value diversity.  As Heavenly Father values diversity.  But to confuse the teachings of any religious organization with the practices of its members is to make a foolish mistake indeed.  President Uchtdorf makes the point that “sometimes we confuse differences in personality with sin. We can even make the mistake of thinking that because someone is different from us, it must mean they are not pleasing to God. This line of thinking leads some to believe that the Church wants to create every member from a single mold—that each one should look, feel, think, and behave like every other. This would contradict the genius of God, who created every man different from his brother, every son different from his father. Even identical twins are not identical in their personalities and spiritual identities.”  He makes this point precisely because so many members have forgotten its truth.

Joining this church is no guarantor against sucking.  A lot of people suck.  Some get better, and suck less; some continue to suck.  Arguments about this being “a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints” aside, no one is immune from sucking.  No one is perfect.

I’m secure in my beliefs.  You can read this (or not) to learn more about why.  I wish everyone were secure enough in their beliefs, no matter what those beliefs are, that they felt comfortable doing the ol’ live and let live.  What’s true to me is no more or less true, depending on how many others share my beliefs.  My truth doesn’t come from the words on a page, or anything that anyone told me I “should” believe.  It comes from my heart.  As I hope, for you, that your beliefs will always come from your heart.  And that, whatever they are, they bring you joy.

I have nothing invested in changing anyone’s mind; I just want us all to be happy.  I want us all to make it.  Have I done missionary work?  Yes.  But, by the same token, I respect that there are many paths to Truth and, indeed, many different truths, large and small.  We all, as Paul said, see through the glass darkly.

I don’t make assumptions about people based on their religious preferences.  Doing so would make me the buffoon, because it would mean that I was close-minded and comfortable in my prejudices.  The only way to know someone is to get to know them; there are no shortcuts.  Assuming that someone’s religion can tell you who they are is like assuming that their race, or gender identity can.

If you’d like me to think highly of you, then treat me as you, yourself would wish to be treated.  It’s as simple as that.  If what you want is for someone to come to you, out of the blue, and tell you what to believe and why, then fine.  If what you want is for someone to make assumptions about you, without actually getting to know you–or caring enough about you, the individual, to bother trying–then fine.  But I suspect that’s not what you want.

I will say this, to anyone–in or out of the church–who’s wondering: if there were no room for hippies and seekers and, indeed, people who wrote books about demons and cannibalism and kinky sex, then there would be no room for me.  I don’t exactly fit anyone’s mold, although I do bake a mean cookie.  And I’m a member in good standing of this church, not because of my domestic skills or my political views or my blonde hair or my acceptance of doctrine but because I want to be.

I struggle; everyone struggles.  Life is about struggle.  I’m not about to deny anyone anything that brings them joy, that makes them feel better about being exactly who and what they authentically are.  That, for me, is this church.  It’s the support system for me the wife and mother and me the writer of graphic and dark-hearted books.

So let’s just all love each other as individuals, shall we?