Facebook – An Exercise in Rejection

If you follow me on Facebook, chances are you’ll notice a huge discrepancy between my Facebook friend page and my Facebook fan page. My fan page stays steady in the upper six hundreds, while my friend page sits at around the 130s.

The thing is, fans are easier than friends. Fans rarely get offended by anything I write or take it personally. Meanwhile, every time I post a new post on my friend page, everyone who remotely fits the bill assumes I’m talking about them… and unfriends me.

This is upsetting to me, because I rarely ‘friend’ people on Facebook. I actually have a policy about Facebook friend requests. In order to accept one or send one, I require that I have either met you in person once in my life, or have had several email conversations with you.

I don’t accept random friend requests from people I don’t know. These people include;

People who friend me randomly in the hopes of beefing up their ‘friend’ lists
Weird dudes who go through all my pictures and then send me creepy messages telling me I’m sexy
Scam artists

So my friend list sat in the 130s for some time. Fans are easier. Fans just ‘fan’ my page and I don’t have to reciprocate in any way. That’s kind of how I like my Facebook page. I love my fan page, but I hate my friend page.

Sometimes it seems to me that my friend page is nothing more than an exercise in rejection.

I get unfriended pretty regularly. Usually, it’s by some uptight person who has become offended by one of my status updates and/or blog posts. The thing that really annoys me about these people is, they knew exactly who I was when we did the whole ‘friend’ thing in the first place. I’m not the kind of person who is obnoxious online, but a saint in real life. I can assure you all, if you met me in person, you would find me equally as annoying and inappropriate.

If you don’t like me that much, you probably shouldn’t be friending me on Facebook, because I have no intention of changing to please you.

I also get friend requests rejected on a regular basis. Yeah, I know, it’s strange because I’m such a gem to know. I usually only send a friend request to someone that I have communicated with several times. I’m not the kind of chick who sends these things out willy nilly.

The last few times it happened, it was with people I communicated with on a regular basis. I thought we were friendly, but apparently, we can only be friends when we’re ‘secret friends.’ It’s fine to send emails back and forth now and then, but suddenly, if they’re expected to publicly acknowledge me, I get radio silence.

Here’s the deal. If you’re somehow ashamed of knowing me, then I have made a mistake in having any contact with you in the first place. This is because I’m a normal human being with healthy self esteem. You don’t get to treat me like you’re better than me, because you’re not.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I live by that creed for a reason and that’s because it made me who I am today.

I’ve made a life out of sharing my obnoxious opinion, writing inappropriate things, and tolerating bullshit from no one. No joke, I get paid for this shit. So when I find out someone I talk to is a spineless little jellyfish, who’s afraid of putting their ‘reputation’ on the line by knowing me, that makes me send an angry email or two. It also makes me retract that ‘friend request’ like a yo-yo.

I save my friend requests for people who are actually my friends. Yes, I know it’s misleading. I know I’m supposed to friend everyone under the god damn sun to prove how popular I am, but that’s not how I work.

So to clarify;

If we’ve never met or communicated in any way, you’re not my friend
If you know me, don’t like me, but decided to friend me because that’s what all the cool kids were doing, you’re not my friend.
If you know me, like me, but are afraid to admit to your friends that you like me, you’re not my friend. People, I ditched that shit in grade school. There will be no ‘secret friends’. I’ve written eight fucking books. I’m a best selling author and 2000 people read the bullshit I write in my free time every day. You’re doing me no favor by knowing me. In fact, you’re lucky to know me. So again, not my friend.

I suffer no self esteem issues. I don’t particularly care if I have 90 friends or 3000 by the time I die. The real friends I have know I’m a good person. I generally don’t mean to offend, but chances are, if you got offended, there’s a decent shot you deserved to be offended.

Don’t waste your time. If you don’t like me that much, nothing I write on Facebook is going to make you like me more. If you talk to me regularly, but can’t handle a friend request, know that I already think I’m better than you and your reputation is shot with me anyway.

I’ll save those friend requests for real friends. The rest of you can stick to my fan page if you feel the need to cyber stalk me.

Oh, and regardless of who you are, stop poking me! I don’t even know what that means.