What to Wear This Week: October 20-25, 2014

Monday, man. How does that always happen so fast? Waiting for the weekend is like waiting for Godot (I will not stop making this joke until someone laughs) but when it comes to Monday, it does just that, you know? Comes.

I know, I know, that’s what she said. But guess what? That’s not what she meant. What she meant was: I could have sworn that the last time I blinked it was Saturday night and I was sitting on my coach in a decadent silk robe pretending to be Sophia Loren with my hair in a towel while eating carrots soaked in lime juice because I heard that they tint your skin and I am really, really not looking forward to re-inheriting the pasty-ass green pallor that is implied with the approaching winter. Now that it’s Monday, though, I’d like to know what to wear this week so can you help a sister out?

Why yes! Yes I can. And because it’s seasonably cold again, I probably can’t force you to F pants but I think that’s okay. Pants, like The Kids, are alright.

Today and tomorrow, which climate-clock-in by the low 60s and might feature a guest appearance by the artist formerly known as rain (not to be confused with Missy Eliott), call for a black blazer. If it’s double breasted, that’s great. If it’s not, that’s cool too. Wear a white t-shirt because you technically don’t need a sweater yet and I feel like you should take advantage of your ability to feel comfortable in cotton for as long as you can, high waist jeans — preferably in a light wash and loafers. Got tassels? Bring ‘em out, bring ‘em out, bring ‘em out. Don’t? Hide pennies in your straps.

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Wednesday called, it said it missed your legs. It’s still not that cold, just maybe a little wet so how about a smock dress, one not unlike those of the mod persuasion to be worn over a cotton turtleneck (I am particular about the body suits by Wolford and consider them well worth the investment). Rock out with your frock out and don’t cover your legs or do if you’re sensitive, whatever. I just think that because I’m going to suggest you wear ankle boots with this outfit, short socks will look better than tights. Boom! It’s Thursday. Cool.

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AND THEN THERE WAS FRIDAY! I’m going to suggest you wear an ivory sweater with white jeans because it seems to bequeath a sense of divine respect and honor to a day that has been created by angels. Wear black boots, though — they’ll serve as a reminder that come Saturday night, that rug is ripped from right out under you faster than a strip of wax comes off a bikini line.

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Sunday. Ouch.

Images via Louis Vuitton Fall 2014, Bikbok, &  Saint Laurent Pre-Fall 2014, shot by Hedi Slimane