You Probably Know a Few Life Hacks, But What About Life-Niceties?

The other night at a family dinner, I heard Liam Hemsworth telling my boyfriend’s sixteen-year-old sister possible movie-times. I was jealous but not altogether surprised that Liam wanted to see The Best of Me.

Turns out, it wasn’t Liam Hemsworth. The mystery man was Siri, whose voice she had changed to sound like a similarly rugged Australian man. After coming to terms with the fact that I now have to ask “the youth” technology questions, I received instructions on how to pull off this magical feat. (We settled on an English accent so as not to confuse ourselves when both robots talk in the same room.)

To my Westchester-born, accent-less boyfriend’s chagrin, Siri has gotten in touch with her masculine side and reconnected to her British roots. Now, when I ask her to find the nearest dry cleaner or to email my mom, Jude Law helps me out.

Sometimes I say “Hi Siri” in the middle of the day to hear Jude’s voice. It’s a real pick me up.

I wouldn’t consider my new Downton Siri a life hack, per se, because hearing the gentle vocal styling of an English robot doesn’t make anything easier or more convenient, but it does make it better, dare I even say…further worth living.

Thus began my search for “luxury life hacks,” which resulted in not much more than long instructional videos on how to make my own soap. You know what I consider a luxury? Being able to buy ready-made soap and have all those extra hours to talk to Siri Jude Jeeves. I learned the (apparently classic) towels-on-the radiator trick, which involves nothing more than putting your towel on the radiator before you get into the shower. When you get out, you’re not only drying off but being embraced in a warm bear hug from a fairytale where your favorite stuffed animal is alive.

There are the real life hacks — learning how to get the exact amount of ketchup you want out of the bottle or how to keep wires from getting tangled might be more practical, but who wants practical when you can have life-niceties? In the interest of decadence, tell us: what are your not-so-practical life hacks? Do you think making grilled cheese with an iron is luxurious? Not using an actual frying pan definitely is. Maybe I should ask Siri.