Mindy Can Keep Her Stuff at My Place if She Wants

I think we can agree that the first and last minutes of all future Mindy Project episodes will continue to revolve around Danny-Mindy foreplay, which means if your DVR cuts off the opening you’re not really missing much. My DVR kindly kept in Mindy’s suggestion that they have sex on a washing machine.

The two are still in their honeymoon phase — high libidos, frequent sleepovers — the latter of which means it’s time for them to have the “stuff at your place” talk, a conversation more crucial than “what are we?” and “bathroom policies: open door versus closed door.” Mindy wants to keep a few belongings at Danny’s. He hates the idea. This annoys me because her items fit in the airport-liquid-restrictions-approved method of a plastic baggie, and if it’s good enough for TSA then it should be good enough for Danny. Besides, it’s really annoying to carry a toothbrush and hairbrush around in a purse –  what if she decides that today is a clutch day?

The next morning, in a twist that no one saw coming except for me because On Demand has an unabashed love of spoiling plot lines, Mindy gets served with a lawsuit for tax evasion. Just like The Situation! Sometimes life really does imitate art.

She needs a lawyer, and fast. Luckily her office building is the equivalent of Bed, Bath & Beyond in that it seems to house every important need one could ever have including a bagel shop, so she visits her ex Cliff who reminds Mindy that she broke his heart by cheating on him with Danny. Oops!

Mindy realizes that Cliff still has feelings for her and develops an elaborate lie to gain his sympathy, in exchange for free legal services, claiming that Danny cheated on her too and they’re no longer together. “I’m surprised you feel comfortable telling me all that,” Cliff says. “So comfortable,” replies Mindy. “I actually just farted.” The two establish an open bathroom policy; Cliff agrees to take on her tax case.

Downstairs at Shulman & Associates, Peter is having tension with Jeremy because of  friggen’ Lauren. Danny remarks that Peter is being strangely nice to Jeremy despite all that went down. In what is zero-percent helpful advice Danny offers the 3 people a man should reserve his kisses for: “Your ma, your girl, and your wresting coach after you win regionals.”

If you were worried about Mindy’s lie, you should be. She tells Danny they have to pretend to be broken up, he’s strangely okay with it because he takes tax evasion very seriously, and then classic Mindy project: Mindy, Danny and Cliff wind up in the elevator together where it’s hard to hide much of anything. To cover any suspicions Danny admits to “cheating” on Mindy with a Knicks cheerleader, and then that weirdo holistic doctor who Mindy also hooked up with (Bed Bath & way Beyond) gets into elevator to further shake things up.

I totally forgot about him.

Later, at what appears to be a fancier, wrap-based version of Panera, Lauren officially ends it with a very unkempt looking Peter, blinding him with the breakup and me with the fact that she has a child named Henry. When Lauren excuses herself for a moment Peter pledges to be there for this random baby. His promise is quickly dismissed by the next scene but I feel will come back to haunt all of us later.

Now, let’s hit the fast-forward-but-not-too-fast button and wrap this up. (Kind of a weird episode, no? Or maybe it’s because there was a serious lack of Morgan and Tamra last night.)

- Cliff takes Mindy out to dinner to go over her tax evasion case. She lies to Danny and says she’s going to the gym. Cliff doesn’t really help with her tax problem but he does reveal that Danny is still legally married.

- Mindy calls Danny out later in the evening. Diamond Dan has a lot of secrets, it turns out, but even though he’s not “legally” divorced his marriage is  “technically” annulled. Mindy’s still mad, Danny’s mad she lied about being at the gym. “I don’t even know where a gym is,” she responds. Mindy, I’m still with you on this one.

- We’re back at the office again. Perhaps suspecting that if Jeremy stays around then he’ll be the one to pick up Henry (random baby) from Dartmouth after illegal hazing (Peter’s hopes & dreams for the baby’s future) Peter calls Lauren’s office and does a terrible Austin Powers impersonation. He finds out Lauren is having lunch with Jeremy, and then later we find out he made one more call: immigration services, to have Jeremy investigated.

- Jeremy announces he may have to go back to England and Peter looks like he feels bad, kind of.

- It backfires when Jeremy does not get deported, but the scare makes Lauren realize she wants to be with her British male-mistress. This is like Downton Abbey!

- It gets juicier. Danny barges into Cliff’s office for spilling the beans on his marriage. In yet another weird turn-o-events (this time, not ruined by my DVR), Cliff offers to help Danny finalize the divorce in exchange for an old folding char from a Yankees game that Danny fawned over at the beginning of the episode (when Mindy was complaining about Danny liking his things more than her).

- Cliff comes to pick up the chair from Danny’s apartment and comments on the fact that there’s no sign of Mindy. Apparently Mindy left her bras in his oven when they were dating, which touches a nerve in Danny, you can tell.

- We think they’ve sort of bonded until Cliff reveals he’s a Red Sox fan and plans on burning the chair.

- Cliff does keep his promise to finalize Danny’s divorce, however, and later that night, after Danny tells Mindy she can eat all of the chocolate off his popsicles, he shows her the pink dresser he bought for her to keep her stuff in. Aww.

And then they go have sex in a closet.

PS: For those of you who requested gifs of Diamond Dan in action…

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Now. Did anyone else get a little bored in this episode? Or was it actually your favorite and maybe I just wasn’t paying attention? Had anyone else forgotten about the witch doctor? Where was Tamra? Who wants more Morgan? Most importantly, who should we set Peter up with? Weigh in.