The Thought Process of Sitting Through a Show

It’s 6PM. Shows are definitely more on time here. Look how many people have already found their seats. This is going to start in such a timely manner. Everything about England is so much more civilized, gosh. The runway is made of gravel – I wonder if that’s indicative of anything that Mary Katrantzou’s collection is going to try to say.

Am I seated with American press? I don’t recognize anyone. Oh, there’s Olivia Palermo. I wonder how many times she changed today. She was wearing something different this morning. I’m glad I’m in brogues. London is so easy going. Lights are dimming. Show time?

Dramatic music. Why don’t more designers create the illusion of drama? If they did it might actually affect a viewer’s opinion. This will be good. The week has been vaguely underwhelming. Is that what my review is about? A breathe of fresh air amid a sea of flat gulls? Ha. Ha. Ha. But Mary’s already achieved such resounding international success.

Oh! Trench vest. That’s great. All this ivory. So beautiful with those pants. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her make a pair of solid wide leg pants. Mary is very smart. You can always separate the smart designers from the impulsive ones almost immediately. I wonder if there will be any prints. My hair smells. I wonder if anyone can smell my hair.

What is that fabric? It’s like a bunch of micro-beads sewn onto a tank top. That must be heavy. I wonder if I’ll have time to stop at Topshop while I’m here.

Will anyone actually wear that? It’s so interesting to get a glimpse into how a designer believes his or her consumer should dress, but I guess this collection is much more largely about achieving sartorial formality. Oh wow, listen to me. Sartorial formality?

Woah! That negligee dress is beautiful. Is that chiffon being worn over an encrusted bodice? Yeah. It is. Is that supposed to be indicative of the comfort levels present (or absent) in fashion? And the black gravel runway! What are these stones representing? Maybe nothing. Some of the models seem to be having a difficult time on it. Sparkly shoes are so happy. I should have brought a pair. I wonder what time I need to leave for the airport tomorrow. Heathrow’s a good place for a hang out.

Ah, there’s the signature Mary. She executes her ideas so beautifully. This is authentic. I’d love to see her take on a plebeian day out. What does the Mary girl wear to the supermarket? Does she go to the supermarket? I’d wear those pants with a white t-shirt for sure. That would be great. I actually have a similar pair. Here, in fact. Maybe I’ll wear that tomorrow. With that Saint Laurent bow tie.

I wonder if people think I’m texting? Should I be taking more pictures? I’ll take one shot during the finale and call it quits.

Is this the bravado? How is this embroidery made? Those black sequined slits are smart. I feel like I’m under water. Oh! The gravel! Is it the bottom of a fish bowl? This does look vaguely reef-y. The black embellishment could be a cluster of sea urchins. Oh my gosh! Those sequined birds! Birds of paradise!

I guess this isn’t really red carpet at all. This is how Mary believes a woman should dress. Good for her. I wish I could be her but the more time I spend away the more I feel like jeans and a sweater best represent me. That sounds so boring. I probably shouldn’t say it out loud. Is anyone going to get up and offer a standing ovation? The rhythm of the soundtrack turned this into quite a show. Oh, I better get ready to get up. Getting out of here is going to be a mess. Did I bring my burgundy Chloé sandals? They would look good with what I’m wearing. Maybe in Paris.

Images courtesy of Mary Katrantzou