I Blindfolded Myself Then Picked Out an Outfit, Here’s What I Look Like

Have you ever known closet bliss? I have not but I dream about it 3/7 nights a week. I wouldn’t be so assuming as to think that you are particularly starved to experience the same kinds of dreams but in the event that you are, you must first understand what closet bliss is. And while you might suppose it is a room full of decadent stuff, that is not the case. One might even argue that to achieve closet bliss is to know the opposite of a crowded closet. Figure this: you blindfold yourself, you look, of course without actually looking, into your closet, you pull out 3-5 (or 7-8! Whatever) garments and learn that once you’ve removed the blindfold from your eyes, what sits in a pile before you is exactly what you hoped you’d be wearing. This infers a wardrobe so comprehensively streamlined you can literally get dressed with your freaking eyes closed.

I aspire toward this.

I like to think I work toward it.

But the last time I tested whether I’ve been able to carry out closet bliss, what I came out with was the first 9 photos in this slideshow and as you see them now, they should point toward nothing more, nothing less than an over-effusive child’s jaunt through her own closet, her mother’s closet, who peaked sometime in the late 70s, her dog-training brother’s closet and her sister’s closet. I guess you should know that her sister still wears diapers. But that her mother doesn’t believe in utilizing layers and layers of sheets and so she recycles.

So what gives? I like to think that I know myself soooooooo well, I would never so much as allow a garment to permeate my closet if we hadn’t socially invested in a human-to-thread marriage and I don’t think I’m wrong, I just think that maybe my idea of closet bliss is flawed. Because I will likely never be the girl who has 75 pairs of the same jeans and 15 of the same sweater, 20 of the same white shirt and some shoes that run a gamut extensive enough to pair properly with the aforementioned. I’m just too weird.

This concept could only be further propelled by pictorial evidence as demonstrated in the last nine images of this slideshow, which are supposed to portray what I hoped would have emerged from a blind outfit-picking session.

I urge you to try this at home. Use the clothes you come up with to gauge your personal eccentricity. Then wear it out and wear it well because it is FASHUN WEEK.