Things have got to change
Tonight was a special night for me. Through a series of circumstances, I got a big treat: I was able to rock both of my children at the same time at bedtime. That's never happened, and I don't bank that it will ever happen again.
But as I sat in the Laz-y-Boy with Little Man on my left side and Big Girl on my right, my thoughts drifted from what a lucky mom I am to have two beautiful, healthy, bright children to all of the horrible stories flooding the news about bullying. These stories chill my soul when I think about my children getting closer and closer to school-age.
Like many of you out there, I was subjected to some bullying as a child. I wasn't popular. I was more than a bit of a Goody-Two-Shoes. Loving Husband still calls me Lisa Simpson. So, being the dorky, smart kid made me a pretty good target. The worst it ever got — and granted, this is still bad — was that in sixth grade, a girl threatened to beat me up. The ordeal lasted for about two or so weeks, I think, and then, it went away. My mom got involved, the assistant principal stepped in, and it stopped.
Not to sound old (because I'm not, truly), but what is wrong with kids these days? Yes, I get it that things are, indeed, different now. Social networking and the Internet give kids the power to taunt, tease, and terrorize their classmates at any time. Even in their homes, children subject to bullying aren't able to escape and relax. Worst of all, any of it can be anonymous. All of it gives bullies, who are by definition, cowards, the ability to torture their victims in an even more cowardly way. It all makes me nauseated.
My question — and certainly the question on many peoples' minds — is what are we going to do about it?
With more and more young people taking their own lives because the ones they are leading are filled with fear and sadness, we, as a society, can no longer sit by and tell ourselves that bullying is part of growing up — that "kids will be kids." Our inaction has clearly given kids the impression that it is okay to make others feel inferior, to scare them, to make them have physical reactions to the unease that haunts them awake or asleep.
How did we fail as a group to teach kids that targeting someone because of their race, gender, sexual identity or any other reason is abhorrent and unacceptable. Perhaps I am delusional, but I was under the impression, that even though homosexuals still unfortunately face discrimination from some population pockets, cultural opinion as a whole was far more enlightened. Isn't it supposed to be the younger generation that is more open-minded and progressive than their parents? What has happened?
I suppose the answer to that question is only important in trying to identify all of the problem spots that we need to address. But, first and foremost, parents need to wake up. Any of us could suddenly find ourselves as the parent of a bullied child or as the parent of the bully. Neither is a good position. It isn't enough anymore to say that we'll cross that bridge if and when it comes. Waiting to talk to a child about the importance of treating others with kindness and respect or hoping a bullied child will open up and talk about their experiences is simply naive.
At the risk of sounding corny, how about we start having conversations? How about we start paying attention to what's actually going on in our kids' lives? How about, rather than being so afraid that we'll unduly influence our kids by telling them what to do, we do the correct parental thing and actually tell them what they absolutely can't do for once?
