Laying Good Eggs is Easy

My mom always advised me in the direction of marrying a good egg. It seemed self explanatory at her time of consultation; there are good eggs and there are bad eggs, we are not impervious to the bad ones and sometimes they dress up as good ones, so trust your mother and marry one from the latter camp.

In 2014, this advice would go way over my head. Marry a good egg? Good Egg? As in the about-to-explode-I-can-feel-it-in-my-cruciferously-nourished-bones Good Egg?

You might be confused. I don’t blame you. Nowhere do I succeed as well as when I am mangling the English language, though I do have one more talent but it is fairly new:  spreading the farm-to-table gospel that is organic eating and lucky for you (me?), it’s about to go viral.

See, Good Eggs is the name of a fairly new website whose model is not unlike Fresh Direct’s save for a deluge of General Mill products that languish by the latter. There are infant-sized yellow plums (what are those things called?) freshly picked from a garden in what I will henceforth call our extended backyard. There is “faux-gras” which is a punny play on duck liver, as this kind is made from walnuts and lentils and miso — yum yum! There is fresh bread that will not make you consider the dismal side effects of bleached grain consumption, there is a sour cherry compote that makes me feel like a gay man trapped in the body of a woman. And, of course, there is kale.

Good Eggs hand delivers the nourishment within 36 hours, which should theoretically seal the nail in the coffin that is Chipotle lunch hour if you plan ahead. I also suspect the tote bag they sell moonlights as a carbon foot print reducer.

The whole thing is so extremely New Age, so very Martha Stewart-does-yoga, and as far as I’m concerned presents only one known issue: you can’t marry the damn thing.

[Good Eggs]

– Photos by Krista Anna Lewis