The Hard Heart – Part 2

The Hard Heart – Part 2
Matters of the Heart Series

In a previous blog I gave two pointers to check for unforgiveness or bitterness in your heart.

1. Do you feel anyone owes you anything?

2. Is there anything in the midst of which you can not give thanks?

If offenses toward another is not dealt with in a healthy manner, unforgiveness and bitterness will start to form and a hard heart is the result. Is there some relationship that needs to be made right? Do it today – harden not your heart. (Tweet this!)

This subjects of bitterness and unforgiveness can fill volumes. At nearly every retreat where I speak I deal with the issue either publicly or privately. In fact, in recent years I’ve begun speaking on the subject the first night so we can get it out of the way, because, in my experience, it will come up sometime during the weekend.

I’m going to give you an assignment, because the passage is too long to put in the blog, but it is pertinent. Go on. Get your phone or Bible or click the link to read Matt. 18:21-35.

If we want to enjoy the benefits of what Jesus did on the cross, we must forgive others. (Tweet this!) Do we want to live in torment? In verse 34, we are told if we don’t forgive, the master will turn us over to the torturers. We will always feel justified, but can we honestly look at Jesus hanging on the cross and get any pity? God will not forgive our debts if we don’t forgive others. Many Christians don’t feel forgiven. Maybe it’s because they haven’t been willing to forgive others. (Tweet this!)

The word for forgiveness means to abandon it, let it go, release it. (Tweet this!) We may not feel forgiving. We probably don’t most of the time, but we can release it to God and let Him deal with it. When I learned that principle, it freed me from having to bring my emotions into rein. I couldn’t make myself feel forgiving. However, what happens is that as we let the offense go, our emotions begin to heal. We might have to release it many times, but God will work in your life and the offender’s life as well, and healing will take place.

The following is thanks to R. T. Kendall’s wonderful teaching on Total Forgiveness. 

Meaning of Forgiveness

Permanently canceling the debt and bringing the balance to zero.
Permanently giving up any reproach.
Permanently foregoing any private or public critical conversation about that person/issue. It’s over. The debt is zero. They owe you nothing.

What Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean

Forgetting. God doesn’t expect us to have spiritual amnesia.
Allowing yourself to be in harm’s way. If you are in an abusive situation, remove yourself and your children from harm. Nothing about forgiveness requires one to remain in a dangerous situation.
That you cannot confront. You can address issues, wrongs and offenses. “Speak the truth in love…”
That there will be no consequences, punishment or discipline. It must, however, be restorative.
That you can’t seek legal or civil means of protection. E.g. A restraining order, a “safe” house, etc.

Symptoms of Unforgiveness

Slander
Avoidance. There was an elder’s wife in our former church who would avoid me when she was angry with me, the pastor’s wife, about something. We might want to avoid someone with whom we are angry, but if we feel we want to do that, we might check to see if we have unforgiveness toward them.
Judgmental/critical attitude
Rejection
Sarcasm
Hostility
Labeling
Lack of mercy and/or compassion
Murder (physical or verbal)
Praying against a person.

 

What item(s) on these lists give you the most trouble? Please share your thoughts below.
Has the list of symptoms convicted you of the need to forgive someone?

 

If God has spoken to you about this issue, get together with a friend, your spouse, a pastor and work through the process. Harden not your heart.

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